Late on a sleepy, star-spangled night, those angels peeled back the sky just like you would tear open a sparkling Christmas present. Then, with light and joy pouring out of Heaven like water through a broken dam, they began to shout and sing the message that baby Jesus had been born. The world had a Savior! The angels called it "Good News!" and it was.

Rough day...nuff said....Elliott has had some really great, and I mean great days....and here lately I've had some really rough days with him. Last night it was over homework where he had to write 0-10 three times. He has such difficulty writing numbers, so when I saw him getting frustrated I suggested that he take a break and come back to it after dinner. But once he starts it he feels he has to finish and would not give up.....whining, crying, and fussing for over an hour to write his numbers. It is so heartbreaking and frustrating to watch him struggle and get so upset. I even tried to take his homework away because he would get so upset when his number was not "right". I try to encourage and we use positive reinforcements, but nothing was working last night. Please continue to pray for Elliott and for me. We have limited support here and this week his developmental therapist has had a few days off (which is my only relief...she comes on Monday, Wed and Thurs

Elliott was diagnosed a little over a year ago with PDD NOS, and was rediagnosed with Autism last April. He his 6 years old now, just starting "Big" Kindergarten (we elected to hold him back along with his twin brother). Holding him back has turned out to be the best decision by far for him (I am so glad that I trusted my mommy gut with this one!) He goes to Speech and OT weekly and has a developmental therapist that comes 40 hours a month. He gets OT and PT and 1/2 of developmental therapy at school (we hope that they will also include speech). He is improving and progressing with all these therapies in place. It has been financially overwhelming at times, but now the insurance is covering a majority of his therapies and we are grateful. Without his therapies I don't know where we'd be, praying that the insurance continues to cover (we are having issue with speech being covered). The paperwork involved and case manager meetings and DT interview are so time consuming. It is hard at times knowing if I am coming or going. It has been so beneficial to have a DT in our home for a few hours (Mon, Wed and Thurs) . It has literally been the only help I've received as we have no family support. I am hoping to attend future seminars on autism and some support group meetings. It has been emotionally and physically demanding since I am the sole parent (dh works 7AM to 7PM...which means he is gone from 6:30AM until 8PM) so I do not have any relief during the day, it all falls on me. That part can be taxing. When the DT is here I still have Cooper so it isn't as if I get a break then. I take moments when they are in school...but that is usually filled with cleaning, errands and getting things ready for his afternoon therapies. He has some pretty awesome moments, where for brief periods I tend to forget all his struggles. He has fine and gross motor delays. He has developmental delays, cognitively his scores have been extremely low. He has OCD (not too extreme..but it causes conflict and tantrums when change is involved). I worry about him being bullied in school...he does speak up for himself...but kids do realize that he is "different" and are asking questions. Sometimes Cooper comes home and says that kids in their class will come up to him and ask him what is wrong with Elliott. There is not a big enough bandaid for a mommy's heart at times! The past two years were hard but Elliott didn't realize that he was not like all the others in his preschool and private kindergarten.....he was in his own "world" full of noise making, imaginative play.....and now he is starting to realize that his behaviors are noticed by others....he hand flaps when excited and scared and has now modified his "tick" to finger flicking (which is less noticeable and he has perceived it is more acceptable since no one asks him why he is doing it...ie kids at school or at the playground). He still has boundary issues, has no understanding of personal space....and he has no fear of stranger danger! We are constantly adjusting to whatever comes at us next. I am so thankful to have FB and HP as an outlet on days that I want to pull my hair out! I am just so grateful with his progression, there was a time he was so "lost" that it was scary! Looking back at home videos and putting them on DVDs recently has been such an eye opening experience of sorts, things that we overlooked in the beginning.....and also a marker to when things started to really change...to watching him progress and learn things. Big news for this month......HE CAN COUNT TO 20 ~

I woke up this morning at 5:30 hearing my sister call out. It must have been one of those God moments, because my niece Adalynn Rose Poteet arrived today at 6:03! She weighs 7 lbs 13 oz and 19 inches long. I drove up from the beach to see her today. While I was walking up to the hospital, Pam (my beach buddy) called me to tell me that the remaining buried turtles were hatching!! I had to call the Turtle Patrol and alert them because a crowd was gathering to watch it. How cool that the turtle eggs that I buried were "born" today. I met my niece and she is beautiful.  I purchased a pink smocked dress and a peal bracelet for her.  She is so small!  It was a bittersweet moment to finally hold her. It's hard when no one remembers that three years ago on this date, I was in an operating room and my last pregnancy was being taken from my body so that I could live.  She will have no idea of all this, and I pray she never has to endure fertlity issues.  I took lots of pictures (some with her wearing pink heelies). I think I am doing ok with it all...it hits me in waves, some more crushing than others. How I wish it wasn't such a struggle to have children....holding a baby just makes my heart yearn for another. I really appreciate all your prayers...I am trying to be a proud auntie!

My sister had a spinal headache after her epidural and we went back to the hospital that evening because she was not feeling well. I was supposed to go to my girlfriends big "Ash Bash" but given the circumstances I needed to be with my family. My parents would not be able to watch my kids anyway. We didn't get home until after 10:30 and there was no way I could have made it. It's hard when you want to be at two places at the same time. But I know my friends are understanding and I will get to see them as often as possible! And given the circumstances I don't know if I would have been great company....my emotions are a mess!

I am going to be grateful for these moments.....the next few days will be hard....my sister is in labor now and looks like she'll deliver tonight or tomorrow...the 15th. The 15th....the day they performed surgery and took my tube and last baby out 3 years ago...and now this. Looking back her first born was born on a date close my first loss too Ouch...still hurts after all this time.....I guess that is why I haven't been able to purchase a baby gift for this little one yet. I am happy for her.....but I guess the loss lingers made me put it off.

I've been blessed to turtle sit for loggerhead nests over the past week. I was able to dig and excavate one nest last night and retrieve several 13 baby turtles from the hard sand that would not have made it and 5 more that were literally hatching out of their shells as I took them out. One little turtle did not make it and was partially out of its shell. This week marks the last time I was pregnant three years ago....on the 15th I found out my pregnancy was ectopic. I was overwhelmed with emotion last night that I was part of this incredible experience and watch these little ones make it and how much they have to go through just to survive. I really feel God had me there as this has lifted my heart during a time marked with sadness. And for this I am grateful!

Some days Elliott just surprises us with the things that he does and it is easy to get lost in his achievements and forget that he has behaviors, ticks, etc. Today was not one of those days....He was very moody and challenging towards the end of the day. He was tired and would not go to the bathroom (which when he has to go #2, he tends to get very cranky). He was an extremely strong willed child and due to his behaviours he was not allowed to go to the pool with his brother after dinner. Oh my word, what followed was enough to make SuperNanny show up on our door. One of his worst episodes to date. I was really feeling like the worst mother in the world and he was trying so hard to push my buttons. He finally fell asleep but woke up when I put him in his pj's and began again....thankfully he did say sorry and started to stop before falling asleep again. I don't know how tomorrow morning will be and I am so exhausted that I am going to bed at 9:33! These are the days that literally drain me. Dh was here with us and I can tell he has no idea how to handle him and that they are like oil and water when he has an episode. I worry sometimes that this will cause strain in our marriage.

Elliott has received another evaluation from TEACCH Pervasive Developmental Disorder NOS still an Autism Spectrum Disorder. Which basically means he doesn't fit any one diagnosis on the spectrum with meeting more of the DSM-IV for the disorder rather than being "atypical" and we received a more thorough results than he when he was diagnosed at age 4. TEACCH evaluated him on Monday and it was well worth the wait to find out more about ways we can help him. We have two support groups that meet once each month (one if for higher functioning and the other is for limited functioning) Elliott falls in the middle...he does not qualify for Aspergers since he has speech delay and excells on imaginative play.

The plus side is that the psychologist said she could not think of anything to suggest to us that we were not already doing. She said due to all his extra therapies and additional supports at home that he is where he is developmentally.

On an additional note...I kept fighting the insurance company for our 2800 bill for the first diagnosis (appeal after appeal) and finally had it covered all but 474.00! Which will get cut in half since dh works for the hospital so it will be 237....and quite the relief since all his OT and PT bills are coming in....we've met our deductible which made his speech therapy only 6.03 per visit but each month we have 500 bills for the other therapies....part of which is copays.

Our first worker did not work out...she wanted to babysit more than perform developmental therapy. We are waiting to interview more individuals and hope that we can get someone with some experience or training with autism rather than just early childhood education (college students).

Jonathan is taking it harder for some reason....worried Elliott won't be able to go to school or college....I have to remind him all the time, that we are laying down a foundation and that there is no stone we won't turn to help him along the way. I don't see any reason to worry about college right now.

That's an update on us for now

Tonight after dinner, our family decided (mom encouraged of course) to grab an instrument and proceed to walk a block around our neighborhood in a parade. Elliott grabbed the cymbals, Cooper played harmonica, Mom (me) shaking the maracas, and Dad with the bells. We were quite a musical troop and as we walked and laughed, our neighbors came out to wave and to clap for us. We even had one that thought we were the icecream truck!! Elliott wanted to walk down our main street and we had cars that pass us stop and wave! I am sure some thought we were off our rockers, but when is the last time you've been childlike and played music with your kids?? It was great fun and I highly recommend it. Who needs a wii when we have our own version of "Rockband".....And the band plays on!

http://autismsocietync.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=346455&lis=0&kntae346455=EA0A3E906468461280ED2852FE10781F&supId=287757850

Join our team the WonderTwinz.......you can donate directly on the link below or click on our team and you can sponsor Cooper and Elliott.....We'll be competing in the 5K Run/Walk and the Kids Dash!!

http://autismsocietync.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=346455&lis=0&kntae346455=EA0A3E906468461280ED2852FE10781F&supId=287757850

Here you go mommies - a different kind of survey for a change - it's all about your first born! Just copy and paste it in a new note for yourself! Make sure you tag me when you post it!

Let's see how much you remember!

1. WAS YOUR FIRST PREGNANCY PLANNED?
Yes, very much so...our second invitro

2. WERE YOU MARRIED AT THE TIME?
yes

3. WHAT WERE YOUR REACTIONS?
Very excited and anxious since we thought I was miscarrying and found out that I was carrying twins~

4. WAS ABORTION AN OPTION FOR YOU?
no

5. HOW OLD WERE YOU?
34

6. HOW DID YOU FIND OUT YOU WERE PREGNANT?
PAS (peed on a stick)....Twice, before confirming it at the Doctor's office

7. WHO DID YOU TELL FIRST?
Jonathan (husband) and then we called my mom to tell her that their were two (after that I think she had a plane sky write it in Stafford to alert everyone we knew...just kidding)

8. DID YOU WANT TO FIND OUT THE SEX?
yes, and they were more than happy to help us out when the time came (typical boys...both side by side as if they were already "comparing" hahaha)

9. DUE DATE?
for a singleton May 21, 2003....but when they saw I had twins they wanted me to make it past 34 weeks, I made it to 39!

10. DID YOU HAVE MORNING SICKNESS?
yes, mainly from the prenatals...had to take them in the evenings

11. WHAT DID YOU CRAVE?
Steak...I was Phoebe from friends....hadn't had steak or red meat in over 9 years and then that is all I wanted....that and I did consume a Dairy Queen icecream cake every week for at least 4 months.)

12. WHO/WHAT IRRITATED YOU THE MOST?
Being on bedrest for close to 5 months, there is only so much lifetime TV a gal can watch!

13. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CHILD'S SEX?
both were boys

14. DID YOU WISH YOU HAD THE OPPOSITE SEX OF WHAT YOU WERE GETTING?
We'd ask everyone what they thought I was carrying, everyone thought boy/girl..we'd tell them no...then they'd say girl/girl....again we'd say no...then they'd say boy/boy? (as if there was another option lol!) I am so glad for my little men :)

15. HOW MANY POUNDS DID YOU GAIN THROUGHOUT THE PREGNANCY?
way too many....I was 130 prior to the ivf and the last time I was weighed I was 220, two days later I was in the hospital and that number is unknown to me. So at least 90 pounds.

16. DID YOU HAVE A BABY SHOWER?
yes...several (one very early since I was placed on bedrest)

17. WAS IT A SURPRISE OR DID YOU KNOW?
I knew, we had to plan all of them as I could only be on my feet for so long

18. DID YOU HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS DURING YOUR PREGNANCY? First we thought we were losing our pregnancy, then told we were having twins, then they saw what may have been a third..yes triplets. Put on bedrest due to cervical shortening.

19. WHERE DID YOU GIVE BIRTH?
Pitt Memorial Hospital NC

20. HOW MANY HOURS WERE YOU IN LABOR?
I went in on Tuesday Morning....nothing happened all day....Stopped induction. Started labor all on my own on Wednesday, still not much happening...induced again that afternoon....that evening was told I was probably going to deliver Thursday morning but the boys had other plans and at 1AM on Thurday I knew they were ready to come out..So I like to tell everyone I was in labor for 3 days. When actually I was the most uncomfortable from 7PM on Wednesday night until the epidural :) then I couldn't feel a thing!

21. WHO DROVE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL?
my husband and my parents

22. WHO WATCHED YOU GIVE BIRTH?
We were in the operating room (just in case anything went wrong) So I was limited to just two, although my DR would have allowed more. My husband and my friend Lynn video taped (just the cord cutting and the babies). My parents and my mother in law were anxiously waiting in my hospital room.

23. WAS IT NATURAL OR C-SECTION?
Natural...yes, you read it right....20 minutes apart...3 pushes for each of them!

24. DID YOU TAKE MEDICINE TO EASE THE PAIN?
I couldn't take anything...I was breastfeeding!

27. HOW MUCH DID YOUR CHILD WEIGH?
7lbs. 7 oz and 6lbs 3 oz.

28. WHEN WAS YOUR CHILD ACTUALLY BORN ?
May 8 2003 2:35AM and 2:55AM

30. WHAT DID YOU NAME HIM/HER?
Cooper Riley and Elliott Jackson

31. HOW OLD IS YOUR FIRST BORN TODAY?
5 years old <3

25 Random Things About Me

1. I am an open book, talk too much.....so if you ask, be prepared, I am very fluent in sarcasm! I am cursed with the gift of gab....and sometimes I can go on and on and on! And don't even get me started on my sense of humor.

2. I am ambidextrous, can write in calligraphy and even though it is dying art...I can still write in shorthand.

3. I can pick up things with my toes....partly because I am lazy, and partly because I love to have bare feet at all times. I cannot drive with shoes on (I know, it's illegal in most states) And when my hands were full carrying the twins it was a great skill to have :)

4. I have held many jobs over the years....first job, was McDonalds....yes, I wore the brown polyester suit with the visor!! After high school, I worked at the Department of Commerce where I developed microfilm and dealt with various Military Maps and Publications (even shredded documents); worked at a Jaguar/Honda/Nissan dealership and learned all the tricks they do when you buy a car; worked for Pulte Homes for many years before figuring out what I really wanted to do with my life (haha). My great grandmother became ill and I took CNA classes in order to care for her so she would not have to go to a nursing home. She died just before I was certified (but she was 2 months shy of turning 104). I worked at a nursing home and home health care as a CNA taking care of elderly and a very special patient with spina bifoda. Their lives and stories enriched my life in ways they will never know!

5. I left Stafford and went to college at age 24.....I was accepted to VCU and at the last moment switched to ECU. I came to Greenville, NC knowing only one person and thanks to Scott Robinson (and encouragement from Butch) I set out to be on my very own. It was very scary to leave all the comforts of family and friends...but an awakening of sorts. I think that going away to college is the best thing ever! I am glad I didn't go right out of school, because I would have received a degree in business or accounting...neither of which I'd want to do now!

6. I have a BS in Rehabilitation Services and a minor in Alcohol and Drug Education. I worked as a Substance Abuse Counselor at an in patient alcohol and drug rehabilitation treatment facility until I became a mom. I jokingly say, that I went to school to get a degree to become a mom :)

7. By far, being a mom has been the greatest job ever! It's the most rewarding and challenging job I have and will ever do! I am blessed to be a SAHM and am so grateful to have this time with my boys. They grow up so fast! They make my cup over runneth over, I am so proud of my kidlets! I am not looking forward to the day that they will spread their wings and fly....it will be bittersweet.

8. I always thought that the strongest bond that anyone could have was a mother/child bond. When I gave birth to twin boys, I felt that no one could love anyone more. Watching them together, I am in complete awe and know that the twin bond is even stronger than what I experience as their mother. The way they see each other, the way they interact....it is beyond words. It's as if they are an extension of the other....with a bond that is immeasurable!

9. I had the great honor and privilege of caring for my aunt Patty who was in need of a double lung transplant. She had battled Cystic Fibrosis and was on the wait list for Duke Hospital. She received her lungs on my birthday but had complications after the surgery. She stayed on the ventilator for 7 more months and died January 2000. She was in many ways like a second mother to me and I was blessed to have had that time with her.

10. I am currently pursuing a degree in Respiratory Therapy...18 credits to go! I love college, keeps me young....although I must say I am not always the oldest in my classes (but it does freak me out to be older than some of my professors!)

11. I have lost 11 children, each before my 7th week of pregnancy. By far, the most difficult thing I have ever gone through or experienced. It took a lot of time and soul searching to find peace that my losses...though painful, they each have shaped the person I've become. It has in many ways made me appreciate being a mother so much more and just how precious life is. Through all of these experiences, I have met and come to know some of the most wonderful women from all over the world. I love my Hannah's Prayer Gals!

12. I like to work with power tools....I can fix a toilet, adjust the hot water heater, change out pipes under the sink, and I love assembling lights and ceiling fans. I am Wendy from Bob the Builder! I love learning how to fix things around the house. We lived in a Victorian house that was 102 years old.....there was always something to work on.

13. I am scared of heights. I would gladly jump out of a plane....I do not care to bungee jump. However, with that being said....I will climb up a ladder to heights unknown, I just cannot seem to get down. Seriously, one time I was on the roof of our old house and I thought they were going to have to call the fire department to get me down.

14. I almost drowned in a pool when I was 12. My cousin jumped off the diving board and landed squarely on my shoulders preventing me from being able to swim up. An angel rescued me after realizing that my cousins squeals were out of panic but said that at first she thought we were just playing in the pool.

15. I love antiques. I enjoy the character and uniqueness of them. I go to auctions and estate sales and wish I could afford to fill my house with them. I think it is in part to my love of history and the nostalgia of it all.

16. I breed African Malawi Cichlids.....not by choice...by neglect. The dirtier my water is the more these guys like to breed. These fish are mouth brooders. Yes, I have learned way more than I wanted to know about fish. The first few times we had fry, it was exciting...but goodness....I have way too many fish in my 55 gal tank! We like to call it the circle of life tank :)

17. I love the beach, everything about it. The sand, the surf......the sound! My dream was to get an ocean front place....and this summer we purchased a small condo on the ocean side. It is one of my favorite places to go (Emerald Isle NC). I am going to get certified in scuba diving this summer. I love to snorkel. I could spend hours building a sand castle with the kids or hunting sea shells. I enjoy it even when it is too cold to get in the water. I can also catch fish in a shrimp net :) which is one of first things the boys want me to do once we get settled on the beach.

18. I have a bucket list. It has way too many things to list on here and the list continues to grow. I don't know if I will ever get to the end but it has been an adventure so far!

19. I collect anything Disney. I love Mickey Mouse. So much so, my entire Kitchen is Disney themed. Yes, I can make you Mickey waffles, princess waffles, Mickey eggs, Mickey toast, Mickey pancakes and a smoothie with my Mickey blender. It is one of my favorite rooms in our house. I even has a Disney Christmas Tree and it is full of all the Disney Characters!! Just like Walt....it all started with a little mouse (not a real one....someone gave me a plastic figure of Mickey answering the phone when I was a receptionist). I have a rather large collection that is boxed up as there is not enough room to display it all! Walt Disney World is still one of my favorite places to go :) I think in part because it is "magical" and you can't help but feel like a kid again. My favorite ride has always been It's A Small World.

20. I also collect Pez Dispensers, Bar Taps and Christmas Barbie Dolls. How random is that?

21. I descend from royalty....seriously, come on now...as if you didn't know I am a princess! I am really into genealogy and found many interesting "characters" in my family tree. I am related to Bartholomew Gosnold who was the very person that introduced Captain John Smith to Pocahontas. This is one of the reasons we are planning a trip to Jamestown this spring :) I would love to go to Otley Hall in England to visit where my family once lived. I have met distant cousins online and enjoy hearing the stories that have been passed down from generation to generation.

22. I love photography. My dream job would be a photographer for the National Geographic or Conde Nast. I see so much through the lens of my camera. Last year I finally went digital. Jury is still out on this one. There is something about a film camera that I enjoy. I would love to have a dark room in my house (and am considering changing the mud room into one). It would be nothing to me to take 30 rolls of film during a one week vacation. You do not want to know how many SD cards I have or how many CD's, external hard drives I have for just photos. I think I killed our last computer due to photo overload.

23. I will write a book one day. So consider yourself warned....you might be in a chapter already......hahaha!

24. I was informed by a former classmate that she thought I was a good girl in high school. I had to come clean that my senior year I was detained on a military base for being a minor in possession of alcohol. Oh yes, and did I mention I was in a car with my high school sweetheart and 3 of his friends who were all male? Let's just say I was lucky the judge was lenient due to the wrath of my parents and a very nice attorney in the court house gave me free advice to plead "no contest"!! I was on restriction for the first 3 months of my senior year. Missed a lot of football games, homecoming dance, etc. But I did graduate with honors!

25. My youngest twin was diagnosed last year with Pervasive Developmental Disorder Not Otherwise Specified. PDD NOS is part of the Autism Spectrum Disorders. We are constantly running to and from therapies and there are days I don't know if I am coming or going. Watching him learn and progress is a true joy. Having a twin brother helps a lot with his advancement and development. I am now part of the parent advocate group in my town. We take each day as it comes....living in the moment!

26. I have terrible run on sentences, need spell check wherever I go...and I use the "....." feature way to much when I type!

McCain's ancestors reported to have owned slaves. Thought the story was news worthy, don't get me wrong. I just felt that with Monday being Martin Luther King Jr Day and then the inauguration that ALL history needs to be known....good and bad. Monday news of MLK was overshadowed by all the inauguration hype. I would have loved to have been there to see and bare witness to these moments in history (both MLK's speech and yesterdays inauguration) Talking about things that makes people uncomfortable may be just what this country needs. We cannot go back and have a do "over"....actions in the past were done, and all the stories of the past have a right to be told...not just what is deemed politically correct.

I cannot speak for Martin Luther King Jr...but his "I have a dream" speech housed moving and powerful messages that I felt were masked by media gluttony when ABC aired this story....sell the story, no matter what the cost. This family's history and rising from generations of enslavement to see a day such as yesterday was extremely touching and inspiring. But no less moving if their name had been Jones or Smith. It was the content of their character....not the color of their skin....and certainly not the spelling of their last name. That is what I felt was exploited. There were tons of former slave descendants upon the Washington Mall....so what if they did not bare the last name McCain.... it didn't make their story any less "tellable". That is the part that is sad to me.

There is hope, there can be change....I honestly believe that.