Elliott was diagnosed a little over a year ago with PDD NOS, and was rediagnosed with Autism last April. He his 6 years old now, just starting "Big" Kindergarten (we elected to hold him back along with his twin brother). Holding him back has turned out to be the best decision by far for him (I am so glad that I trusted my mommy gut with this one!) He goes to Speech and OT weekly and has a developmental therapist that comes 40 hours a month. He gets OT and PT and 1/2 of developmental therapy at school (we hope that they will also include speech). He is improving and progressing with all these therapies in place. It has been financially overwhelming at times, but now the insurance is covering a majority of his therapies and we are grateful. Without his therapies I don't know where we'd be, praying that the insurance continues to cover (we are having issue with speech being covered). The paperwork involved and case manager meetings and DT interview are so time consuming. It is hard at times knowing if I am coming or going. It has been so beneficial to have a DT in our home for a few hours (Mon, Wed and Thurs) . It has literally been the only help I've received as we have no family support. I am hoping to attend future seminars on autism and some support group meetings. It has been emotionally and physically demanding since I am the sole parent (dh works 7AM to 7PM...which means he is gone from 6:30AM until 8PM) so I do not have any relief during the day, it all falls on me. That part can be taxing. When the DT is here I still have Cooper so it isn't as if I get a break then. I take moments when they are in school...but that is usually filled with cleaning, errands and getting things ready for his afternoon therapies. He has some pretty awesome moments, where for brief periods I tend to forget all his struggles. He has fine and gross motor delays. He has developmental delays, cognitively his scores have been extremely low. He has OCD (not too extreme..but it causes conflict and tantrums when change is involved). I worry about him being bullied in school...he does speak up for himself...but kids do realize that he is "different" and are asking questions. Sometimes Cooper comes home and says that kids in their class will come up to him and ask him what is wrong with Elliott. There is not a big enough bandaid for a mommy's heart at times! The past two years were hard but Elliott didn't realize that he was not like all the others in his preschool and private kindergarten.....he was in his own "world" full of noise making, imaginative play.....and now he is starting to realize that his behaviors are noticed by others....he hand flaps when excited and scared and has now modified his "tick" to finger flicking (which is less noticeable and he has perceived it is more acceptable since no one asks him why he is doing it...ie kids at school or at the playground). He still has boundary issues, has no understanding of personal space....and he has no fear of stranger danger! We are constantly adjusting to whatever comes at us next. I am so thankful to have FB and HP as an outlet on days that I want to pull my hair out! I am just so grateful with his progression, there was a time he was so "lost" that it was scary! Looking back at home videos and putting them on DVDs recently has been such an eye opening experience of sorts, things that we overlooked in the beginning.....and also a marker to when things started to really change...to watching him progress and learn things. Big news for this month......HE CAN COUNT TO 20 ~

I woke up this morning at 5:30 hearing my sister call out. It must have been one of those God moments, because my niece Adalynn Rose Poteet arrived today at 6:03! She weighs 7 lbs 13 oz and 19 inches long. I drove up from the beach to see her today. While I was walking up to the hospital, Pam (my beach buddy) called me to tell me that the remaining buried turtles were hatching!! I had to call the Turtle Patrol and alert them because a crowd was gathering to watch it. How cool that the turtle eggs that I buried were "born" today. I met my niece and she is beautiful.  I purchased a pink smocked dress and a peal bracelet for her.  She is so small!  It was a bittersweet moment to finally hold her. It's hard when no one remembers that three years ago on this date, I was in an operating room and my last pregnancy was being taken from my body so that I could live.  She will have no idea of all this, and I pray she never has to endure fertlity issues.  I took lots of pictures (some with her wearing pink heelies). I think I am doing ok with it all...it hits me in waves, some more crushing than others. How I wish it wasn't such a struggle to have children....holding a baby just makes my heart yearn for another. I really appreciate all your prayers...I am trying to be a proud auntie!

My sister had a spinal headache after her epidural and we went back to the hospital that evening because she was not feeling well. I was supposed to go to my girlfriends big "Ash Bash" but given the circumstances I needed to be with my family. My parents would not be able to watch my kids anyway. We didn't get home until after 10:30 and there was no way I could have made it. It's hard when you want to be at two places at the same time. But I know my friends are understanding and I will get to see them as often as possible! And given the circumstances I don't know if I would have been great company....my emotions are a mess!

I am going to be grateful for these moments.....the next few days will be hard....my sister is in labor now and looks like she'll deliver tonight or tomorrow...the 15th. The 15th....the day they performed surgery and took my tube and last baby out 3 years ago...and now this. Looking back her first born was born on a date close my first loss too Ouch...still hurts after all this time.....I guess that is why I haven't been able to purchase a baby gift for this little one yet. I am happy for her.....but I guess the loss lingers made me put it off.

I've been blessed to turtle sit for loggerhead nests over the past week. I was able to dig and excavate one nest last night and retrieve several 13 baby turtles from the hard sand that would not have made it and 5 more that were literally hatching out of their shells as I took them out. One little turtle did not make it and was partially out of its shell. This week marks the last time I was pregnant three years ago....on the 15th I found out my pregnancy was ectopic. I was overwhelmed with emotion last night that I was part of this incredible experience and watch these little ones make it and how much they have to go through just to survive. I really feel God had me there as this has lifted my heart during a time marked with sadness. And for this I am grateful!

Some days Elliott just surprises us with the things that he does and it is easy to get lost in his achievements and forget that he has behaviors, ticks, etc. Today was not one of those days....He was very moody and challenging towards the end of the day. He was tired and would not go to the bathroom (which when he has to go #2, he tends to get very cranky). He was an extremely strong willed child and due to his behaviours he was not allowed to go to the pool with his brother after dinner. Oh my word, what followed was enough to make SuperNanny show up on our door. One of his worst episodes to date. I was really feeling like the worst mother in the world and he was trying so hard to push my buttons. He finally fell asleep but woke up when I put him in his pj's and began again....thankfully he did say sorry and started to stop before falling asleep again. I don't know how tomorrow morning will be and I am so exhausted that I am going to bed at 9:33! These are the days that literally drain me. Dh was here with us and I can tell he has no idea how to handle him and that they are like oil and water when he has an episode. I worry sometimes that this will cause strain in our marriage.

Elliott has received another evaluation from TEACCH Pervasive Developmental Disorder NOS still an Autism Spectrum Disorder. Which basically means he doesn't fit any one diagnosis on the spectrum with meeting more of the DSM-IV for the disorder rather than being "atypical" and we received a more thorough results than he when he was diagnosed at age 4. TEACCH evaluated him on Monday and it was well worth the wait to find out more about ways we can help him. We have two support groups that meet once each month (one if for higher functioning and the other is for limited functioning) Elliott falls in the middle...he does not qualify for Aspergers since he has speech delay and excells on imaginative play.

The plus side is that the psychologist said she could not think of anything to suggest to us that we were not already doing. She said due to all his extra therapies and additional supports at home that he is where he is developmentally.

On an additional note...I kept fighting the insurance company for our 2800 bill for the first diagnosis (appeal after appeal) and finally had it covered all but 474.00! Which will get cut in half since dh works for the hospital so it will be 237....and quite the relief since all his OT and PT bills are coming in....we've met our deductible which made his speech therapy only 6.03 per visit but each month we have 500 bills for the other therapies....part of which is copays.

Our first worker did not work out...she wanted to babysit more than perform developmental therapy. We are waiting to interview more individuals and hope that we can get someone with some experience or training with autism rather than just early childhood education (college students).

Jonathan is taking it harder for some reason....worried Elliott won't be able to go to school or college....I have to remind him all the time, that we are laying down a foundation and that there is no stone we won't turn to help him along the way. I don't see any reason to worry about college right now.

That's an update on us for now

Tonight after dinner, our family decided (mom encouraged of course) to grab an instrument and proceed to walk a block around our neighborhood in a parade. Elliott grabbed the cymbals, Cooper played harmonica, Mom (me) shaking the maracas, and Dad with the bells. We were quite a musical troop and as we walked and laughed, our neighbors came out to wave and to clap for us. We even had one that thought we were the icecream truck!! Elliott wanted to walk down our main street and we had cars that pass us stop and wave! I am sure some thought we were off our rockers, but when is the last time you've been childlike and played music with your kids?? It was great fun and I highly recommend it. Who needs a wii when we have our own version of "Rockband".....And the band plays on!