~ The Awakening ~
A time comes in your life when you finally get it... when in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out, "ENOUGH!" Enough fighting and crying or struggling to old on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and, through a mantle of wet lashes, you begin to look at the world through new eyes. This is your awakening. You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety, and security to come galloping over the new horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella (nor are you Superman and she, Lois Lane!) and that in the real world there aren't always fairytale endings (or beginnings, for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with YOU and in the process a sense of SERENITY is born of ACCEPTANCE. You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate, or approve of who or what you are... and that's okay! (They are still entitled to their own views and opinions.) You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always about YOU. And you begin to sift through all the stuff you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look and how much you should weigh, what you should wear and where you should shop, what you should drive, how and where you should live, and what you should do for a living, whom you should sleep with, whom you should marry, and what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children, or what you owe your parents. You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing. You stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix. You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a by-gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life. You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting BOUNDARIES and learning to say, "NO." You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake. Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them to be. You stop trying to control people, situations, and outcomes. You learn that just as people grow and change so it is with love... and you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms just to make you happy. And you learn that alone does not mean lonely... and you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up." You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity, and respect... and you won't settle for less... and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect. And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water, and taking more time to exercise. You learn the fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our souls. So you take more time to laugh and to play. You learn that for the most part, in life you get what you believe you deserve... and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline, and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it's OK to risk asking for help. You learn to fight for your life and not to squander living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve, and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that your Higher Power isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state -- the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy, and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and to make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never settle for less than your heart's desire. And you hang a windchime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility. Finally, with courage in your heart and your Higher Power by your side, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can.~ Author Unknown

To my Sex and the City Girlfriends....I am so blessed to have you all in my life :)

The Eskimos have hundreds of words for snow but we've invented three times that many words for relationships. What really defines a relationship? What ultimately defines a relationship is another relationship. When real people fall down in life, they get right back up and keep walking. Usually when a child falls, then learn to put their hands out next time. I began to realize that being beautiful is like having a rent-controlled apartment overlooking the park: completely unfair and usually bestowed upon those who deserve it least. I take that back. Beauty is fleeting, but a rent-controlled apartment overlooking the park is forever. Everywhere I looked, people were standing in two's. It was like Noah's upper west side rent-controlled ark. I will not be the first one to speak. And if he never calls me again, I'll always think of him fondly. As an asshole. By the way, jackrabbit sex is like maturbation with a woman instead of your hand. He's a regular Jerk de Soleil. New York City is all about sex. People getting it, people trying to get it, people who can't get it. No wonder the city never sleeps. It's too busy trying to get laid. Men aren't that complicated. They're kind of like plants. Sports night: every female's fantasy. A room full of captive heterosexual men all looking to be distracted during commercial breaks. The most important thing in life is your family. There are days you love them, and others you don't, but in the end they're the people you always come home to. Sometimes it's the family you're born into and sometimes it's the one you make for yourself. An hour later I had solved the unsolvable friendship equation. It seems the answer is this: cosmopolitans plus scotch equals friendship with an ex. There are very few things a New Yorker loves as much as Sunday brunch. You can sleep until noon and still get eggs anywhere in the city, alcohol is often included with the meal, and Sunday is the one day a week you get the single woman's sports pages: the New York Times wedding section. I'm not even sure bisexuality exists. I think it's just a layover on the way to gaytown. I realized I was in the throes of an existential crisis. One that not even the sight of this season's Dolce & Gabbana strappy sandals could lift me out of. From my experience, honey, if he seems too good to be true—he probably is. Easy? You men have no idea what we're dealing with down there. Teeth placement, and jaw stress, and suction, and gag reflex, and all the while bobbing up and down, moaning and trying to breathe through our noses. Easy? Honey, they don't call it a job for nothin'! There'll be no next time. This is going to be like Bridges of Madison Avenue, a very brief affair I'll write about in sappy letters to my grandchildren. When Charles Dickens wrote "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times," I believe he must have been having an affair with his married ex-boyfriend. Our affair, like our hotels, had gone from elegant with crystal to seedy with plastic cups. You've heard those stories about affairs where people realize how great their other relationship is and end it without anyone being the wiser. We're so over, we need a new word for over. If I could master a stick shift, could a successful relationship be that far behind? Hi. I'm not here but my shoes are, so leave them a message. If two people only have one thought between them, something is very wrong. I don't believe in e-mail. I'm an old-fashioned girl. I prefer calling and hanging up. I got to thinking about relationships and partial lobotomies: two seemingly different ideas that might just be perfect together—like chocolate and peanut butter. Yes, I'd like a cheeseburger, please, large fries and a cosmopolitan. Someone once said that two halves make a whole. And when two halves move in together, it makes a whole lot of stuff. I used to think those people who sat alone at Starbucks writing on their laptops were pretentious posers. Now I know: They are people who have recently moved in wtih someone. Gay boyfriends are the loophole of monogamy. Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate. Without them, what would shape our lives? Perhaps if we never veered off course, we wouldn't fall in love, or have babies, or be who we are. After all, seasons change. So do cities. People come into your life and people go. But it's comforting to know the ones you love are always in your heart. And if you're very lucky, a plane ride away. I can't even be around that man. He's dangerous and toxic. He's manthrax. Men who are good looking are never good in bed because they never had to be. People go to casinos for the same reason they go on blind dates: hoping to hit the jackpot. But mostly, you just wind up broke or alone in a bar. I like my money right where I can see it: hanging in my closet. Think about it. If you are single, after graduation there isn't one occasion where people celebrate you. ... Hallmark doesn't make a "congratulations, you didn't marry the wrong guy" card. And where's the flatware for going on vacation alone? I wanted a man who'd commit, not a man who was committed. Apparently we have to be more specific. Don't play "hard to get" with a man who's hard to get. At least it didn't happen in a room I actually use, like my closet. It would be childish of us to deny that our lives weren't changing. But for this night, none of us were going anywhere. That's the thing about really good friends and a really great Manhattan. Today I had a thought. What if I... what if I had never met you? I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love. And I don't think that love is in an expensive suite in a lovely hotel in Paris. Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.

I did not know her...but saved the obituary because the words were so touching:

Brinson, Gretchen (Memoriam)

FEB. 24, 1916 - FEB. 21, 2004
The String of Pearls

Pearls over a lifetime strung
Carefully pulled and knotted
Never ceasing once begun
All arranged in
patient procession

Through times of tears
Or with joyful heart
Diligently through the years
Carefully placed one by one

No pearl too large or small
To make the chain
Each in time she strung
them all
Never keeping one for her

The string is finished now
Knotting fingers are no more
Will we ever know how
Or what they are for

For Gretchen Brinson by Tom Brinson

We love you, we honor you,
we miss you.
The Brinson and
Hosley Families

Published in The News & Observer on 2/24/2008.

The object was to bring in an object from home that best describes you....It was a modern day version of show and tell....I brought in my Digital Camera and this is what I presented to class:

How my digital camera represents me:

Sometimes my life is in focus
sometimes it is blurry
Frame by frame moments are captured forever
and in a flash they can be gone
some images are worth storing...
and some are better off being deleted
from certain angles everything looks better
sometimes I am on the outside looking in
ability to view things from different angles
framing objects in view like a work of art
seeing the big picure with a wide angle
zooming in to capture the intricate details
lots of buttons, with lots of options
sometimes the end resulte can be black and white
sometimes it is colorful
even though I am behind the lens, I am not in complete control
loves natural light but can be flashy when needed
from time to time neeeds recharging
fragile and must be handled with care
yet strong and durable if dropped
likes to accessorize
capable of adjusting to elements and going various speeds
goes many places, travels and sees new things
the ability to tell a story and share experiences when developed


It was one of my favorite projects in College :)

Late on a sleepy, star-spangled night, those angels peeled back the sky just like you would tear open a sparkling Christmas present. Then, with light and joy pouring out of Heaven like water through a broken dam, they began to shout and sing the message that baby Jesus had been born. The world had a Savior! The angels called it "Good News!" and it was.

Rough day...nuff said....Elliott has had some really great, and I mean great days....and here lately I've had some really rough days with him. Last night it was over homework where he had to write 0-10 three times. He has such difficulty writing numbers, so when I saw him getting frustrated I suggested that he take a break and come back to it after dinner. But once he starts it he feels he has to finish and would not give up.....whining, crying, and fussing for over an hour to write his numbers. It is so heartbreaking and frustrating to watch him struggle and get so upset. I even tried to take his homework away because he would get so upset when his number was not "right". I try to encourage and we use positive reinforcements, but nothing was working last night. Please continue to pray for Elliott and for me. We have limited support here and this week his developmental therapist has had a few days off (which is my only relief...she comes on Monday, Wed and Thurs

Elliott was diagnosed a little over a year ago with PDD NOS, and was rediagnosed with Autism last April. He his 6 years old now, just starting "Big" Kindergarten (we elected to hold him back along with his twin brother). Holding him back has turned out to be the best decision by far for him (I am so glad that I trusted my mommy gut with this one!) He goes to Speech and OT weekly and has a developmental therapist that comes 40 hours a month. He gets OT and PT and 1/2 of developmental therapy at school (we hope that they will also include speech). He is improving and progressing with all these therapies in place. It has been financially overwhelming at times, but now the insurance is covering a majority of his therapies and we are grateful. Without his therapies I don't know where we'd be, praying that the insurance continues to cover (we are having issue with speech being covered). The paperwork involved and case manager meetings and DT interview are so time consuming. It is hard at times knowing if I am coming or going. It has been so beneficial to have a DT in our home for a few hours (Mon, Wed and Thurs) . It has literally been the only help I've received as we have no family support. I am hoping to attend future seminars on autism and some support group meetings. It has been emotionally and physically demanding since I am the sole parent (dh works 7AM to 7PM...which means he is gone from 6:30AM until 8PM) so I do not have any relief during the day, it all falls on me. That part can be taxing. When the DT is here I still have Cooper so it isn't as if I get a break then. I take moments when they are in school...but that is usually filled with cleaning, errands and getting things ready for his afternoon therapies. He has some pretty awesome moments, where for brief periods I tend to forget all his struggles. He has fine and gross motor delays. He has developmental delays, cognitively his scores have been extremely low. He has OCD (not too extreme..but it causes conflict and tantrums when change is involved). I worry about him being bullied in school...he does speak up for himself...but kids do realize that he is "different" and are asking questions. Sometimes Cooper comes home and says that kids in their class will come up to him and ask him what is wrong with Elliott. There is not a big enough bandaid for a mommy's heart at times! The past two years were hard but Elliott didn't realize that he was not like all the others in his preschool and private kindergarten.....he was in his own "world" full of noise making, imaginative play.....and now he is starting to realize that his behaviors are noticed by others....he hand flaps when excited and scared and has now modified his "tick" to finger flicking (which is less noticeable and he has perceived it is more acceptable since no one asks him why he is doing it...ie kids at school or at the playground). He still has boundary issues, has no understanding of personal space....and he has no fear of stranger danger! We are constantly adjusting to whatever comes at us next. I am so thankful to have FB and HP as an outlet on days that I want to pull my hair out! I am just so grateful with his progression, there was a time he was so "lost" that it was scary! Looking back at home videos and putting them on DVDs recently has been such an eye opening experience of sorts, things that we overlooked in the beginning.....and also a marker to when things started to really change...to watching him progress and learn things. Big news for this month......HE CAN COUNT TO 20 ~