The Meaning of Life

when you believe in a thing,
believe in it all the way,
implicitly and unquestionably.
[ walt disney ]

Whatever you do in life will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it because you can’t know. You can’t ever really know the meaning of your life. And you don’t need to. Just know that your life has a meaning. Every life has a meaning, whether it lasts one hundred years or one hundred seconds. Every life, and every death, changes the world in its own way. Gandhi knew this. He knew his life would mean something to someone, somewhere, somehow. And he knew with as much certainty that he could never know that meaning. He understood that enjoying life should be of much greater concern then understanding it. And so do I. You can’t know. So don’t take it for granted, but don’t take it too seriously. Don’t postpone what you want. Don’t leave anything misunderstood. Make sure the people you care about know. Make sure they know how you really feel, because just like that. It could end. ~ Remember Me

And Now They Are Eight

My two miracles turn eight today.....time flies, I just blinked when they were born and now I watch them ride off on their bikes.  Funny thing is today while we were walking the dog and the boys were riding thier bikes, Cooper kept stopping and riding his bike back toward us. I asked him what was he doing and he said "I need Adult Vision" and I said "what do you mean?" He said "I am only 8, I need to be close by you incase someone bad is out there, I need Adult Vision"..I laughed and said "Oh you mean Adult Supervision!"  But he is right, we all need some "adult vision" someone who cares for us like that, someone who looks out for us and keeps us safe, keeps us in their sight. 

Thinking of all the memories of the boys birth, the moments inbetween....the dreams yet to be seen.  There are three stories I read to my boys that I cannot get through without tearing up....Velveteen Rabbit, I love you Forever, and Let Me Hold You Longer. 

And as my boys are growing....instead of holding onto all their "firsts" I want to hold them longer....each and every precious last!

Enjoy ~

Long ago you came to me,
a miracle of firsts:
First smiles and teeth and baby steps,
a sunbeam on the burst.
But one day you will move away
and leave me to your past
And I will be left thinking of
a lifetime of your lasts..........

The last time that I held a bottle
to your baby lips.
The last time that I lifted you
and held you on my hip.

The last night when you woke up crying
needed to be walked,
When last you crawled up with your blanket,
wanting to be rocked.

The last time when you ran to me,
still small enough to hold.
The last time that you said you'd marry
me when you grew old.
Precious, simple moments and
bright flashes from your past--
Would I have held on longer if
I'd known they were your last?

Our last adventure to the park,
your final midday nap,
The last time when you wore your favorite
faded baseball cap.

Your last few hours of kindergarten,
those last days of first grade,
You last at bat in Little League,
last colored picture made.

I never said goodbye to all
your yesterday's long passed.
So what about tomorrow--
Will I recognize your lasts?

The last time that you catch a frog
in that old backyard pond.
The last time you run barefoot
across our fresh cut lawn.
Silly, scattered images
will represent your past.
I keep on taking pictures,
never quite sure of your lasts......

The last time that I comb your hair
or stop a pillow fight.
The last time that I pray with your
and tuck you in at night.
The last time when we cuddle
with a book, just me and you.
The last time you jump in our bed
and sleep between us two.

The last piano lesson,
last vacation to the lake.
Your last few weeks of middle school,
last soccer goal you make.
I look ahead and dream of days
that haven't come to pass.
But as I do, I sometimes miss
today's sweet, precious lasts.......

The last time that I help you with
a mathing or spelling test,
The last time when I shout that yes,
your room is still a mess.
The last time that you need me for
a ride from here to there.
The last time that you spend the night
with your old tattered bear.

My life keeps moving faster
stealing precious days that pass.
I want to hold on longer--
want to recognize your lasts.

The last time that you need my help
with details of a dance.
The last time that you ask me for
advice about romance.

The last time that you talk to me
about your hopes and dreams.
The last time that you wear a jersey
for you high school team.

I've watched you grow and barely noticed
seasons as they passed,
If I could freeze the hands of time,
I'd hold on to your lasts

For come some bright fall morning,
you'll be going far away.
College life will beckon
in a brilliant sort of way.
One last hug, one last good-bye,
One quick and hurried kiss.
One last time to understand
Just how much you'll be missed.
I'll watch you leave and think how fast
Our time together passed.

Let me hold on longer, God,
to every precious last.

by Karen Kingsbury

The Ride of Their Lives!

Yesterday in our backyard we attempted another evening of the boys riding their bikes without training wheels.  They love to ride their bikes and we took the training wheels off as soon as it started to warm up this spring.  In the past, each time they'd try to balance and ride ended with a quick thud on the ground.  But, something told me yesterday was going to be different.  You could see it in their eyes, the determination that they were going to ride and keep going.  There is something magical about watching them ride without training wheels down the slight slope in our yard...letting go and cheering on!!

There is nothing better than holding on the seat and then letting the boys go...not knowing if they will steer off course or pedal onward.  That moment of knowing that they are strong enough to try on their own tells me that as a mom I did my job....and the look when they come to stop or a stumble and they look back at me and say "Look mom I did it"....says it all!! This is their moment, this is their time, I am so grateful to be their mommy and so blessed that they are mine!

Cooper is mastering the skill quite quickly and was pedaling uphill and all over the yard.  Elliott did very well until he realized that we weren't beside him and he'd stop pedaling and come to a plop on the ground.  I imagine a few more days of backyard practice and we'll venture onto the streets in our neighborhood.  We had a few minor booboos....a bandaid and a kiss and they were back up on their bikes ready to go again.  There were smiles and the sense of accomplishment for both them and for us as parents.  It was one of those snapshot memory kind of moments...where you record the image and feeling and store it for all time in your heart.  <Click>

Have A Little Faith

Dedicated to my Soul Sisters

In a world where people believe what they want to believe.....You all had more than a little faith in me, I am forever grateful that you listened to your heart. We have all grown and bonded in so many ways that our vows were only made stronger for it. Thank you for showing and reminding me what true friendships are all about. I love you all and am so honored to be a part of a sisterhood....where time is our friend ~cause for us there is no end!!! YAYA!!!

Two Pennies

(be sure to turn off the music below before playing the video)
Yesterday afternoon and into the evening we were under tornado warnings. We had tornadoes to the north and south and had to take cover in our safe place under the stairs when the storms from the south took a direct path towards us. We we spared any damage as the tornadoes passed just north and south of where we live. It was very intense and scary at times, seeing a storm video of a tornado on the ground and knowing that it was coming towards our county. We had the closet under our stairs to take shelter in. We had cleared it out of jackets and all the shoes on the floor. The camping radio/light allowed the boys to read their books while I listened for the all clear signal from the tv station. The second time we went into the closet, that was the scariest.

The tv crew even had to take cover as they storm was projected to come towards them and we are just minutes in front of the station. I had my laptop on my lap while sitting on the two cases of water in the closet. I was on facebook, keeping friends posted who had lost power and had no communication, letting them know where the next storms were going. We were so grateful to hear the news that our friends were safe and for the friends who were praying for our safety and posting messages to us. It was very comforting during a nerve wracking time! As a mom, you don't want to show how scared you really are of a storm and the prayers were such a welcomed blessing! Elliott said "the Angels are not going to give up...they will hold up our house". It made my eyes tear up. Whenever we had bad storms I would tell the boys that an Angel would spread her wings and cover our house and keep us from harm. Such sweet words from my little guy with the biggest heart. He also had us laughing while in the closet too.....Elliott kept saying a "tormato" is coming (he would call it a tomato and we would tell him it is a tornado and then he ended up with "tormato" by the end of the night). I was thankful that they had their books to read and our tight space made for great cuddles and chats!

We got the all clear and came out of the closet. I began to fix dinner and while we were eating..that is when we had an Indoor Rainbow. While in our safe place, Elliott kept his ears covered but at some point he uncovered his ears when he spied two pennies, in two different places on the floor (with the camping lantern casting shadows all around...two pennies on a hard wood floor mind you!). When their Grandmamma Cooper was dying, the boys asked her to throw them pennies from Heaven to let them know she was an Angel and that she could see them. We find pennies all the time, in random places and at the most unexpected times. When we pick them up, we always look up and say "Hello Grandmamma Cooper" and smile because she sees us. Elliott and Cooper shared with us at dinner that they found two pennies on the floor in our safe place. It was a very touching moment....I instantly thought of this blessing from Grandmamma Cooper after the storm as our indoor rainbow and at the end it had more than a pot of gold......it contained two pennies~

I Was Here 3/29/11

(turn off the music below to enjoy the video)
You will notice me
I'll be leaving my mark
 like initials carved
In an old oak tree,
you wait and see
Maybe I'll write like Twain wrote
Maybe I'll paint like Van Gogh
Cure the common cold,
I don't know
But I'm ready start
'cause I know in my heart
I wanna do something that matters,
say something different
Something that sets the whole world on its ear
 I wanna do something better
with the time I've been given
I wanna try
to touch a few hearts in this life
Leave nothing less
than something that says
I was here
I will prove you wrong
If you think I'm all talk,
you're in for a shock
Cause this dream's too strong
and before too long
Maybe I'll compose symphonies
Maybe I'll fight for world peace
Cause I know it's my destiny
To leave more than a trace
of myself in this place!
I wanna do something that matters,
say something different
Something that sets the whole world on its ear
I wanna do something better
with the time I've been given
I wanna try
to touch a few hearts in this life
And leave nothing less
than something that says
I was here
And I know that I,
I will do more than
just pass through this life
I'll leave nothing less
than something that says
I was here
I was here

I love this song.....had to share. It is something I think most people have inside of them, we all want to leave our mark in this world. Sadly many do not follow their dreams or hearts. I hope that I instill in my children to chase after rainbows, to live life outloud, to color outside the lines. I hope that they know to keep trying, and to never give up, when they find something that they are passionate about and awakens their soul. My blog,  my photographs and my time spent with my children are my mark....something that says I was here. It's not Mark Twain, or portraits like Ansel Adams.....but they tell my story, hopes and dreams, and the memories we make and share are part of my legacy.  And one day I hope that they mean everything to my children...and that is what matters, when I leave this place, they will have more than a trace, I will leave nothing less, than something that says "I was here".

You Know You Are A Mom When.....

You know you are a mom when your child comes to just before bed saying he feels sick because he can't find a small black notebook with his "Marine Plans" (things he has written for when he is older).  And you tear up the house searching for it...on your hands and knees with a flashlight looking under furniture and the little "cubby" places that kids love to stick things.  Finally, just before midnight, I found it ♥

I'm going to be a tired mom today....it's a 3X5 black notebook...and he said he remembered he had it when he went to the Odyssey of the Mind Competition (first saturday of this month) I didn't think I'd find it but I said I would look until midnight...he would be so happy if I found it.  And like most moms, when your child is hurt or upset...you will do anything to make them feel better.  I had to stop and think "where would I put my journal of Marine Plans if I was a 7 year old boy".  I began searching his toy room and then their bedroom side (with a flashlight as not to wake them).  Then I checked the living room, kitchen and then the art room.  And then I remembered.  They had looked for stickers for their derby cars in their art backpacks....and I opened his up and what did I see?  A little spiral black notebook staring back at me.  I smiled because it doesn't always happen that a mom can fix a situation, or make things better.  Sometimes things are beyond our control (and the abilities of superglue).  I raced up to his room, it was near midnight, but at this point I was wide awake.   I almost wanted to wake him to let him know he was so heartbroken when he couldnt find it. In fact when I went in to put the notebook at he foot of his bed I couldn't help but whisper in his ear "Mommy found your notebook" in hopes that he would have sweet dreams knowing it was safe!  I hoped they would return the favor and let me sleep in today but I knew if he saw the notebook in the morning he'd wake me up. 

It was totally worth it....this morning he came over for "cuddle time".  He didn't see his little notebook I had placed at the end of his bed.  He was in a gentle sleeplike stage and I whispered I found your book.  He said "where was it?" And I told him I found it in his art backpack.  He nuzzled his head under my chin and onto my chest with his arms squeezing me tight...and he said "I love you Mommy".  Then he quickly jumped out of bed to go and get his notebook.  I loved the tender moment we shared and completely understood his need to go hold his notebook with his own hands...to hold onto what he had thought he had lost!! My mommy heart understood that feeling...which explains why I searched for a notebook in the first place.  He held onto his notebook like I was holding onto to the feeling...that I do not ever, ever want to lose!