Tonight....Cooper comes to me after his bath...and says he has a new idea for his birthday party. He wants to have a dance. And everyone will dance and will get medals that he will make (out of paper) but the girls will get dollars............SAY WHAT??? What was a mom to say...I was on the phone with my mom at the time (can we say...witness) It was a purely innocent comment...but I can just see him now, so proud of his idea and sharing it with his class at school. Oh me, oh my, surely he has no idea how many dollars he will be shelling out to the girls in the years to come...and I can only hope and pray that it will not be to girls that are dancing for dollars!!

Jadens Autism Support Video

Oh this song has such a special meaning to our family.....it's not about fixing Elliott...though at first, when he was diagnosed, it was all about doing anything and everything to help him to fix him. But there comes a time when you realize that there is no cure, but there is hope. More people are opening up their he...arts and eyes to see the spectrum as they have never done before...it's about getting the message out there that our children can be challenging at times but they have so many gifts to offer.... family and friends support to families that have a child on the spectrum is so critical, you will never know how much a phone call or just stopping by, offering an ear of understanding and compassion, learning and asking questions, means more than you will ever know!!

Yesterday, while picking the boys up from school I barely could contain my laughter at their conversation. It was about their upcoming birthday party and who they were going to invite. Some background information before their conversation plays out....Aneesha is Coopers girlfriend in his current Kindergarten class. Georgia Mae is Cooper's other girlfriend from his Montessori Kindergarten class. Meredith was Cooper and Elliott's girlfriend from Montessori (but Georgia Mae wanted Cooper all to herself and did not like him talking to other girls because he was going to marry her). Now here's the rest of the story:

Elliott "Cooper I am going to invite Georgia Mae to our Birthday"

Cooper "I don't want her to come, ELLIOTT"

Elliott "Why not?"

Cooper "Because I am asking Aneesha to come and Georgia Mae will not like it if she is talking to me"

Elliott "Georgia Mae won't get mad if you talk to Aneesha"

Cooper "Well, she will get mad because Aneesha will want to hug me"

Elliott "I don't care I am still going to invite her"

Cooper "I don't want her to come Elliott (pronouced EL EEE OOOOOTTT)and a mean face that followed

Elliott "I know, tomorrow at school tell Aneesha on your birthday that you do not want her to hug you"

Cooper "But I really want Aneesha to hug me on my birthday" (he makes a smiley face as if he is picturing her hugging him)

Elliott "I've got a plan.....you can take Aneesha into the Moon Bounce and hug her there"

(ok...fits of laughter from me could not be contained)

Cooper "I don't think it is a good idea to invite Georgia Mae because I want to marry Aneesha now. Besides I already have my picture taken with her last year at my party"

Elliott "Can we invite Meredith then?"

Cooper replies "aye ya aye" and rolls his eyes.

My boys and their girlfriends....Does it have to start so soon? At least Elliott says he's going to marry me when he grows up. He says that I will be Memaw and he will be Pawpaw and we will be Cooper and Aneesha's kids grandparents. I love how candidly they talk about where they are going to live (Elliott with me and Cooper says he'll live nearby so that his kids can walk to our house). Elliott worries about going to college and work. He worries about how he is going to drive. I tell him that I will teach him and he'll have a class in school to teach him. He worries about how he will get to Virginia to see his cousins. He wants to know if it is a straight line to get there. When I tell him know there are different roads and I show him on a map, he can get quite upset. He worries about college and work and following their rules...things he really doesn't have need to worry with right now. For a long time Elliott said he was going to be in the Army. Cooper says he will be a Marine. They think that they will be on the same base as each other. Cooper's mind is all about he's going to get married and have children and that Elliott and I will take care of them.

What their kindergarten mind is thinking....they have their whole lives ahead of them, yet they worry and are planning for it as if it is tomorrow. My boys...my little men~

Woke up to another amazing sunrise today. Yesterday's sunrise was gorgeous. It was spectacular. I called it the never ending sunrise as it played peek a boo in and out of clouds as it begain its climb up into the sky. I must have taken over 800 pictures of the brillant rich hues of pink, orange, yellow and red that the clouds seemed to drink up! I thought for sure I had found my picture of the day. That was until Elliott hit his already loose tooth after dinner. He wiggled it free (because we were going to the pool and he was worried he'd lose it there). We took pictures and called family members to report the "big news". He chose which pictures he wanted to put on the "internet", which he feels anything I put on facebook is seen by everyone around the world. We went to the pool, bathed and settled in to watch our movie for the night "The Prince of Egypt". I read Elliott all the replies his snaggle puss smile pictures had received since we were gone. He was so thrilled. This morning, I felt certain that his first words to me were going to be "mom, look I got another Gold Coin"(from the tooth fairy)...but instead he looked at me and said "Mom, how many people have seen my picture". Priceless....It reminded me of this story about life is like a cup of coffee. Sometimes we get caught up in life to even see what really matters. The sun rises to greet us each day, and most peole do not even notice it. Like the moment of a child who's excitement over losing a tooth cannot be captured with a photo....the memory is forever. Take notice, make memories. When all is said and done, the legacy we leave behind is not going to be "things". Material things are just that.....what is really important is living life with passion and zest, forming healthy relationships with others and fostering them as we grow, appreciating and the ability to see the simple things and not getting caught up in the "haves" and "have nots". Life is about finding really meaning and purpose, living in the moment and waking up each morning just to enjoy the coffee and not the cup! CHEERS~

We went to see "Nobody's Perfect" at ECU tonight.  It was a storyline about a deaf girl in the fourth grade and a new girl who comes to the school that appears to be perfect.  Then very early on you see this newcomer wants to steer clear of her "impaired" classmate and says no when she is invited to a birthday party for her.  Then the two unlikely matches get paired up to enter a science fair and while they are working on their project, the "perfect" one's autistic brother appears.  Oh my heart...I was a mess in tears.  The brother was severely autistic and could not talk but during the show, he interacted with the deaf girl and learned to sign.  Heartstrings pulled in every direction.  The girl that was deaf was talking to her brother and said how she felt sad...and he said sad that he has Autism?  She said no...said that his sister treated him as if he was not there.  The brother said how he could understand how she felt, that having someone who is so special makes it hard to be perfect.  How I wish the boys were able to get more meaning out of the moments that transcended from this point onwards. 

I often think about how Cooper feels about the attention his brother receives because of his special talents.  How much does he recognize that his brother is different....it doesn't seem that he sees his brother in any other way but just as he is.  Simple, loving....unconditional.  We talked with the boys after the play about Elliott being like the boy in the play autistic, on the spectrum, and that he could talk, etc. where the other boy could not.  He immediately asked....mom, what is autism.  Briefly giving a basic description where the only part that he remembered and immediately told Cooper "Mom said I have more senses than you" (talking about having more sensory uniquenessess)  It was quite a funny moment.  But it is the beginning of many conversations we will have and I pray that the bond these two share will be the bridge of hope for them both to understand and help others to be more aware, and have empathy when it comes to those with autism. 

We've had some challenging nights the past two nights....Elliott has had difficulty remembering his spelling words.....it is repetition, repetition, repetition.  I feel like sometimes my friends may hear the same stories over and over again...it's a part of my life and sometimes I get caught up in the craziness of it all and will share the same story again and again (or maybe it is part timers....and I am really losing it).  Losing our developmental therapist will be tough goings for our family.   She has been with us for a year.....and budget cuts have ceased funding for autism cases that are not on CAP.  Yes, it sucks to be us...but we do have private insurance which pays for OT and speech twice a week.  So I will be running both boys to therapy (where Cooper and I sit in the lobby making the most of our hours).  It is so hard watching your child struggle with some basic things and yet grasp complex issue....forget his spelling words but can pull memories from years ago and recount them as if it were yesterday.  His mind is full of curious wonder....and I attempt to feed it with hands on fun and learning as much as possible.  It is emotionally and physically taxing...but what parent wouldn't do this for their child?  My children are my life, going through all the pain and loss just to have them.....knowing what blessings they are.....appreciating all the uniqueness and wild wonder, and all the moments inbetween.  I know I am not perfect parent, I have less than stellar moments when Elliott has an "episode" or Cooper has "an attention seeker moment".   But I am driven to push on, to pick my battles and foster their creative minds.  I can't imagine life any different.

Today I am feeling these words..............Alive and Kicking ♥ What you gonna do when things go wrong? What you gonna do when it all cracks up? What you gonna do when the Love burns down? What you gonna do when the flames go up? Who is gonna come and turn the tide? What's it gonna take to make a dream survive? Who's got the touch to calm the storm inside? Who's gonna save you? Alive and Kicking!!!

As women we go through so many changes. We love, we laugh, we grow. A friend posted on facebook that we are cheerleaders for everyone in our lives, our family, friends, coworkers, etc...but who cheers for us? At some point in our lives we learn to become our own cheerleaders. We begin to nuture ourselves, find out who we are...and we are reborn. Some would say it is a mid-life crisis...but I feel it is more like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon. All the trials, joys and experience that life brings is contained in our safe cocoon where we grow and change and transform. Free to fly, to do things without reservation. To enjoy and live in all the moments, to let the house be dirty, the beds unmade, to eat dessert first, to be silly....a time of empowerment where we discover gifts that are inside us and we explore them...Our adventurous side evolves...It's an awakening....and I, for one, am ALIVE AND KICKING!!