It's Never Too late ~

"It's never too late, or in my case too early, to be whoever you want to be. Start whenever you want. You can change or stay the same. You can make the best or worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you feel things that you never felt before. I hope you live a life that you're proud of and if you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again" ~Benjamin Button

I have lived a life of reinventions of sorts.  I've worked several jobs, I loved starting over at age 24 moving to NC to go to college only knowing one person in town.  It was like a rebirth on many levels.  Questioning and growing along the way.  Then came marriage... a whirlwind of emotions and growing with another person.   Next came having kids.  Not an easy task for us....we had hurdle after hurdle and what a learning experience on so many levels. Then came life...and all it's ups and downs.  At some point, I lost myself and my dreams.  As a mother it is easy to do.  I often joked that I went to school, to get a degree, to become a mom.  It is so easy after all we went through to put these little miracles and all their hopes and dreams before my very own.  I stopped writing, stopped painting, had a degree yet I didn't use it.....but I have never resented or regretted putting their needs before my own.  That is just what mothers do.

And now I find that I am teaching my children to dream big dreams and to not let go of them.  For them to explore and be whatever they want to be....I want them to try anything...win or lose...succeed or fail.  We try to live life to the fullest.  Not too get to busy in life that they stop doing the things that they love or have time to just "be" themselves.   Life is too short to waste time on "what ifs" and "if I had only".  I try to teach them to live in the moment because it will pass us by whether we like it or not. 

I started writing more in my journal, and at night both the boys are writing in one too.  I tried to keep up with the 365 photo journal.  Where you take picture everyday and it tells a story over the year.  I loved to take pictures and each year I say I am going to do this type of journal and end up too busy.  I've had several online journals and trying to merge them into one here, but that has been a labor of love and was overwhelming.  I felt it was important for my kids to know who I am and what I am feeling at this moment in my life and I began to write in my journal again (with a few older posts added along the way).  And instead of taking a picture, I aim to capture moments.  There are moments that are special and treasured and the moments of just "ordinary days" which together tell our story.   And I am painting too.  We go to the Accidental Artist at least once a month and paint together.  We break out the paints in our house and  paint on canvas, framing each one and placing it on our "art wall".   We have taken them to plays at ECU theatre since they were three, with yearly Family Fare tickets and have seen some pretty amazing plays.  I watch as they sit there and become one with the character, or ask quizzical questions about what is going on during the performance.  I love how they embrace the Arts.  I love how they freely want to explore and try anything.  I love how they seem to lack the fear of failure.  How they will try anything new and their williness to learn.  How wide open their eyes are to the world....childlike in wonder and grace.  Funny how, if you look closely, your children even at a young age can become your teacher.  How you begin to live again, whether it's through them or with them.  Hopefully, it is a little bit of both.   It is never too late or too early to be "reborn".  Where you discover and redisover things you may have long forgotten. When you get down on the ground and play games, snuggle to read stories of incredible make believe and voices, your imagination grows and your heart swells.  When you get back to the basics...what is really important and life...the simple things, the little things....and you start living....really living!

Yes, we have our less than stellar moments....as all families do.  Life deals us many different cards,  and just like the song, we have to know when to hold them, know when to fold them, know when to walk away and know when to run.  But the best hand we are dealt is  living the life we are proud of.  The one where we are true to ourselves.  Sure we may not like the hand we are dealt at any one particular time, but if you know who the Dealer is (in my case God)....you just cast out your bad cards and await to see what hand you draw.   Sometimes it is left to chance but in the end it matters not what hand you are dealt but whose hands you are in. 

So if you find that you are stuck, feel you are in a rut, maybe it's time you reshuffled the deck....and reinvent yourself...it's never too late or too early.  Don't leave this world without it knowing who you really are.