Two Pennies

(be sure to turn off the music below before playing the video)
Yesterday afternoon and into the evening we were under tornado warnings. We had tornadoes to the north and south and had to take cover in our safe place under the stairs when the storms from the south took a direct path towards us. We we spared any damage as the tornadoes passed just north and south of where we live. It was very intense and scary at times, seeing a storm video of a tornado on the ground and knowing that it was coming towards our county. We had the closet under our stairs to take shelter in. We had cleared it out of jackets and all the shoes on the floor. The camping radio/light allowed the boys to read their books while I listened for the all clear signal from the tv station. The second time we went into the closet, that was the scariest.

The tv crew even had to take cover as they storm was projected to come towards them and we are just minutes in front of the station. I had my laptop on my lap while sitting on the two cases of water in the closet. I was on facebook, keeping friends posted who had lost power and had no communication, letting them know where the next storms were going. We were so grateful to hear the news that our friends were safe and for the friends who were praying for our safety and posting messages to us. It was very comforting during a nerve wracking time! As a mom, you don't want to show how scared you really are of a storm and the prayers were such a welcomed blessing! Elliott said "the Angels are not going to give up...they will hold up our house". It made my eyes tear up. Whenever we had bad storms I would tell the boys that an Angel would spread her wings and cover our house and keep us from harm. Such sweet words from my little guy with the biggest heart. He also had us laughing while in the closet too.....Elliott kept saying a "tormato" is coming (he would call it a tomato and we would tell him it is a tornado and then he ended up with "tormato" by the end of the night). I was thankful that they had their books to read and our tight space made for great cuddles and chats!

We got the all clear and came out of the closet. I began to fix dinner and while we were eating..that is when we had an Indoor Rainbow. While in our safe place, Elliott kept his ears covered but at some point he uncovered his ears when he spied two pennies, in two different places on the floor (with the camping lantern casting shadows all around...two pennies on a hard wood floor mind you!). When their Grandmamma Cooper was dying, the boys asked her to throw them pennies from Heaven to let them know she was an Angel and that she could see them. We find pennies all the time, in random places and at the most unexpected times. When we pick them up, we always look up and say "Hello Grandmamma Cooper" and smile because she sees us. Elliott and Cooper shared with us at dinner that they found two pennies on the floor in our safe place. It was a very touching moment....I instantly thought of this blessing from Grandmamma Cooper after the storm as our indoor rainbow and at the end it had more than a pot of gold......it contained two pennies~

I Was Here 3/29/11

(turn off the music below to enjoy the video)
You will notice me
I'll be leaving my mark
 like initials carved
In an old oak tree,
you wait and see
Maybe I'll write like Twain wrote
Maybe I'll paint like Van Gogh
Cure the common cold,
I don't know
But I'm ready start
'cause I know in my heart
I wanna do something that matters,
say something different
Something that sets the whole world on its ear
 I wanna do something better
with the time I've been given
I wanna try
to touch a few hearts in this life
Leave nothing less
than something that says
I was here
I will prove you wrong
If you think I'm all talk,
you're in for a shock
Cause this dream's too strong
and before too long
Maybe I'll compose symphonies
Maybe I'll fight for world peace
Cause I know it's my destiny
To leave more than a trace
of myself in this place!
I wanna do something that matters,
say something different
Something that sets the whole world on its ear
I wanna do something better
with the time I've been given
I wanna try
to touch a few hearts in this life
And leave nothing less
than something that says
I was here
And I know that I,
I will do more than
just pass through this life
I'll leave nothing less
than something that says
I was here
I was here

I love this song.....had to share. It is something I think most people have inside of them, we all want to leave our mark in this world. Sadly many do not follow their dreams or hearts. I hope that I instill in my children to chase after rainbows, to live life outloud, to color outside the lines. I hope that they know to keep trying, and to never give up, when they find something that they are passionate about and awakens their soul. My blog,  my photographs and my time spent with my children are my mark....something that says I was here. It's not Mark Twain, or portraits like Ansel Adams.....but they tell my story, hopes and dreams, and the memories we make and share are part of my legacy.  And one day I hope that they mean everything to my children...and that is what matters, when I leave this place, they will have more than a trace, I will leave nothing less, than something that says "I was here".

You Know You Are A Mom When.....

You know you are a mom when your child comes to just before bed saying he feels sick because he can't find a small black notebook with his "Marine Plans" (things he has written for when he is older).  And you tear up the house searching for it...on your hands and knees with a flashlight looking under furniture and the little "cubby" places that kids love to stick things.  Finally, just before midnight, I found it ♥

I'm going to be a tired mom today....it's a 3X5 black notebook...and he said he remembered he had it when he went to the Odyssey of the Mind Competition (first saturday of this month) I didn't think I'd find it but I said I would look until midnight...he would be so happy if I found it.  And like most moms, when your child is hurt or upset...you will do anything to make them feel better.  I had to stop and think "where would I put my journal of Marine Plans if I was a 7 year old boy".  I began searching his toy room and then their bedroom side (with a flashlight as not to wake them).  Then I checked the living room, kitchen and then the art room.  And then I remembered.  They had looked for stickers for their derby cars in their art backpacks....and I opened his up and what did I see?  A little spiral black notebook staring back at me.  I smiled because it doesn't always happen that a mom can fix a situation, or make things better.  Sometimes things are beyond our control (and the abilities of superglue).  I raced up to his room, it was near midnight, but at this point I was wide awake.   I almost wanted to wake him to let him know he was so heartbroken when he couldnt find it. In fact when I went in to put the notebook at he foot of his bed I couldn't help but whisper in his ear "Mommy found your notebook" in hopes that he would have sweet dreams knowing it was safe!  I hoped they would return the favor and let me sleep in today but I knew if he saw the notebook in the morning he'd wake me up. 

It was totally worth it....this morning he came over for "cuddle time".  He didn't see his little notebook I had placed at the end of his bed.  He was in a gentle sleeplike stage and I whispered I found your book.  He said "where was it?" And I told him I found it in his art backpack.  He nuzzled his head under my chin and onto my chest with his arms squeezing me tight...and he said "I love you Mommy".  Then he quickly jumped out of bed to go and get his notebook.  I loved the tender moment we shared and completely understood his need to go hold his notebook with his own hands...to hold onto what he had thought he had lost!! My mommy heart understood that feeling...which explains why I searched for a notebook in the first place.  He held onto his notebook like I was holding onto to the feeling...that I do not ever, ever want to lose!

The Daffodil Principle

The Daffodil Principle
 Several times my daughter had telephoned to say, "Mother, you must come see the daffodils before they are over." I wanted to go, but it was a two-hour drive from Laguna to Lake Arrowhead. "I will come next Tuesday, "I promised, a little reluctantly, on her third call.

Next Tuesday dawned cold and rainy. Still, I had promised, and so I drove there. When I finally walked into Carolyn's house and hugged and greeted my grandchildren, I said, "Forget the daffodils, Carolyn! The road is invisible in the clouds and fog, and there is nothing in the world except you and these children that I want to see bad enough to drive another inch!"


My daughter smiled, "We drive in this all the time, Mom."

"Well, you won't get me back on the road until it clears and then I'm heading straight for home!" I said, rather emphatically.

"Gee, Mom, I was hoping you'd take me over to the garage to pick up my car," Carolyn said with a forlorn look in her eyes.

"How far will we have to drive?"
 

Smiling she answered, "Just a few blocks, I'll drive ... I'm used to this."

After several minutes, I had to ask, "Where are we going? This isn't the way to the garage!" "We're going to my garage the long way," Carolyn smiled, "by way of the daffodils." 

"Carolyn," I said sternly, "please turn around." 

"It's all right, Mom, I promise, you will never forgive yourself if you miss this experience."

After about twenty minutes we turned onto a small gravel road and I saw a small church. On the far side of the church I saw a hand-lettered sign ...

Daffodil Garden

We got out of the car and each took a child's hand, and I followed Carolyn down the path. As we turned a corner of the path, and I looked up and gasped.

Before me lay the most glorious sight. It looked as though someone had taken a great vat of gold and poured it down over the mountain peak and slopes. The flowers were planted in majestic, swirling patterns, great ribbons and swaths of deep orange, lemon yellow, salmon pink, saffron, and butter yellow. Each different-colored variety was planted as a group so that it swirled and flowed like its own river with its own unique hue.

Five acres of the most beautiful flowers I had ever seen!
"Who planted all these?" I asked Carolyn.

"It's just one woman," Carolyn answered. "She lives on the property. That's her home." Carolyn pointed to a well-kept A-frame house that looked small and modest in the midst of all that glory.

We walked up to the house we saw a sign...

ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS

I Know You Are Asking:

50,000 bulbs

one at a time

by one woman

2 hands, 2 feet

and very little brain

Began in 1958

When we multiply tiny pieces of time with small increments of daily effort, we too will find we can accomplish magnificent things. We can change the world.

"It makes me sad in a way," I admitted to Carolyn. "What might I have accomplished if I had thought of a wonderful goal thirty-five or forty years ago and had worked away at it 'one bulb at a time' through all those years. Just think what I might have been able to achieve!

My daughter summed up the message of the day in her direct way, "Start tomorrow, Mom," she said, "It's so pointless to think of the lost hours of our yesterdays. The way to make learning a lesson a celebration instead of a cause for regret is to only ask... 

"How can I put this to use today?"

There it was ... "The Daffodil Principle"
For me that moment was a life-changing experience. I thought of this woman whom I had never met, who, more than forty years before, had begun - one bulb at a time - to bring her vision of beauty and joy to an obscure mountain top.

Still, this unknown, old woman had forever changed the world in which she lived. She had created something of magnificent beauty, and inspiration.

 

The principle her daffodil garden taught is one of the greatest principles of celebration: Learning to move toward our goals and desires one step at a time, learning to love the doing, learning to use the accumulation of time.

Written by Jaroldeen Asplund Edwards

Hello Pollen, Hello Spring!

Pollen pollen everywhere,
pollen pollen in my hair;
now my car is coated green,
and soon everywhere else I've seen;
I cannot wait until the pollen leaves,
because nobody looks cute when they sneeze;
the weather's great that is no doubt, but soon we'll have the pollen count.
Being outdoors is great except for one thing....Hello Pollen, Hello Spring!

I cannot wait to start planting my garden.  It is always a fun time and I love seeing what plants survived the winter and begin to bring life to the flower beds.  The roses are already budding and the climbers have new shoots.  The Canna bulbs are already shooting up through the earth as if to say "hello, I am here".   Once they start coming up I replant them in other flower beds.  My neighbor gifted me with 6 bulbs from her flower bed and in two short years I must have close to 50 of these plants.  Soon I will be "gifting" my friends with this flower bed "bully" as I affectionately call it.  It starts out such a beautiful green foilage plant and when I return from the beach in the summer these stalk like striking red flowers can reach up to 5 feet tall!  It tends to crowd out my roses but provides a tropical rainforest look.  I've noticed an increase number of toads and lizards in the flower beds where they are located.  The jasmine vine leaves have returned to green after the reddish color that comes each winter.  Soon the sweet smell will fill my backyard and compliment the gardenia bushes.  I would fill my yard with gardenia bushes but my yard gets too much direct sun, and the heat is not their favorite!  The english ivy in the front yard is starting to wane...which means I may have won the battle and can plant some shade plants there!!  The butterfly bushes hopefully will be happier this year, since I had to move them and they didn't not seem to like their new location.  I love the blue Plumbago bushes that provide great contrast admist the roses and under the dogwood tree.  The yellow lantana  covers the flower beds and sometimes tries to climb near the jasmine by the end of summer.  The purple and pink verbena in the flower pots provide a waterfall of colors with the annual plants that soon will join them. 

I love to visit the nursery and get new plants and add to the colors that return in my flowerbed each year.  I can spend hours at Plant and See, our local nursery in our town.  The boys will go with me and pick their plant for the year.  They will help plant the flower and love to water them for me in the evenings!  I've started getting more  perennials and hope this winters snow did not hinder their root system.  I love flowers that bloom all throughout spring, summer and fall.  Our new dog seems to enjoy digging and keeps getting into the rose garden...digging dangerously close to my jasmine vine.  I am not sure what he's after but once I get more flowers planted I hope that he finds somewhere else to bury his bones! 

Now once the pine pollen is completely over (and I hope for a nice long rain shower to wash it all away) then I can start planting.  Hello Spring!

Look Mom...No Hands!!!

[riding a bicycle up the street] "People always say you should be yourself ~ like yourself is this definite thing ~ like a toaster, or something. Like you can know what it is, even. But every so often, I’ll have like…a moment, where being myself, and my life right where I am is, like, enough." [she releases the handlebars and rides up the street, no hands] ~ My So Called Life (turn off the music below to enjoy the videos below)
Ever have one of those days when you just need to let go and throw your hands up in the air while you are on the crazy ride called life??? It's like the bicycle scene in City of Angels, where Meg Ryan is riding her bike.....wind at her face...free, almost flying.....without a care, at peace...her mind flooded with memories and moments....(yes, I know that there is a tragic ending to it) but was it really?? I would rather have had
One breath of her hair,
One kiss from her mouth,
One touch of her hand,
Than eternity without it.
One!

So for today....throw your hands up in the air, feel the wind and embrace the moment of your life right where you are.... so that someone one day will say "when they ask me what was the best part was....I will tell them it was you. "

It's Never Too late ~

"It's never too late, or in my case too early, to be whoever you want to be. Start whenever you want. You can change or stay the same. You can make the best or worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you feel things that you never felt before. I hope you live a life that you're proud of and if you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again" ~Benjamin Button

I have lived a life of reinventions of sorts.  I've worked several jobs, I loved starting over at age 24 moving to NC to go to college only knowing one person in town.  It was like a rebirth on many levels.  Questioning and growing along the way.  Then came marriage... a whirlwind of emotions and growing with another person.   Next came having kids.  Not an easy task for us....we had hurdle after hurdle and what a learning experience on so many levels. Then came life...and all it's ups and downs.  At some point, I lost myself and my dreams.  As a mother it is easy to do.  I often joked that I went to school, to get a degree, to become a mom.  It is so easy after all we went through to put these little miracles and all their hopes and dreams before my very own.  I stopped writing, stopped painting, had a degree yet I didn't use it.....but I have never resented or regretted putting their needs before my own.  That is just what mothers do.

And now I find that I am teaching my children to dream big dreams and to not let go of them.  For them to explore and be whatever they want to be....I want them to try anything...win or lose...succeed or fail.  We try to live life to the fullest.  Not too get to busy in life that they stop doing the things that they love or have time to just "be" themselves.   Life is too short to waste time on "what ifs" and "if I had only".  I try to teach them to live in the moment because it will pass us by whether we like it or not. 

I started writing more in my journal, and at night both the boys are writing in one too.  I tried to keep up with the 365 photo journal.  Where you take picture everyday and it tells a story over the year.  I loved to take pictures and each year I say I am going to do this type of journal and end up too busy.  I've had several online journals and trying to merge them into one here, but that has been a labor of love and was overwhelming.  I felt it was important for my kids to know who I am and what I am feeling at this moment in my life and I began to write in my journal again (with a few older posts added along the way).  And instead of taking a picture, I aim to capture moments.  There are moments that are special and treasured and the moments of just "ordinary days" which together tell our story.   And I am painting too.  We go to the Accidental Artist at least once a month and paint together.  We break out the paints in our house and  paint on canvas, framing each one and placing it on our "art wall".   We have taken them to plays at ECU theatre since they were three, with yearly Family Fare tickets and have seen some pretty amazing plays.  I watch as they sit there and become one with the character, or ask quizzical questions about what is going on during the performance.  I love how they embrace the Arts.  I love how they freely want to explore and try anything.  I love how they seem to lack the fear of failure.  How they will try anything new and their williness to learn.  How wide open their eyes are to the world....childlike in wonder and grace.  Funny how, if you look closely, your children even at a young age can become your teacher.  How you begin to live again, whether it's through them or with them.  Hopefully, it is a little bit of both.   It is never too late or too early to be "reborn".  Where you discover and redisover things you may have long forgotten. When you get down on the ground and play games, snuggle to read stories of incredible make believe and voices, your imagination grows and your heart swells.  When you get back to the basics...what is really important and life...the simple things, the little things....and you start living....really living!

Yes, we have our less than stellar moments....as all families do.  Life deals us many different cards,  and just like the song, we have to know when to hold them, know when to fold them, know when to walk away and know when to run.  But the best hand we are dealt is  living the life we are proud of.  The one where we are true to ourselves.  Sure we may not like the hand we are dealt at any one particular time, but if you know who the Dealer is (in my case God)....you just cast out your bad cards and await to see what hand you draw.   Sometimes it is left to chance but in the end it matters not what hand you are dealt but whose hands you are in. 

So if you find that you are stuck, feel you are in a rut, maybe it's time you reshuffled the deck....and reinvent yourself...it's never too late or too early.  Don't leave this world without it knowing who you really are.