Day 37: Breathe, Seek, Play.....Random Act of Kindness the No. 2 Version

And before you can let your mind go in places it clearly shouldn't...we are talking about PENCILS! Today, the kids went on a field trip to the Tryon Palace in New Bern. I volunteered to go and chaperoned 11 students and had a blast watching them read and learn the whirlwind of information in the brief amount of time we had to explore the interactive historical part of the center. Last night we discussed that we would look for something to share with our classmates while on the field trip. We thought about the free magazine that they give out at the Visitor Center, but we overheard our teacher discussing that she wanted to be sure she picked them up on her way out. While the kids were eating lunch I went into the gift shop and browsed for what could we do that would be a nice treat for the class and be useful. I found bookmarks and pencils...and opted for the pencils. I had to get Cooper and Elliott's input and let their teacher in on it since she would have to take them back to the class. We thought it would represent a way for kids to make their mark and so many kids in their class need pencils (especially this time of year when resources start running low) However, the kids arrived back to school just as they were to be dismissed and had to go immediately to their bus or carpool line. So our random act of kindness will be fulfilled tomorrow when the class receives their postcard of the Tryon Palace tomorrow. I wish I had stumbled upon this story before I wrote the note on the postcard or else I would have written this have the teacher share with the class (I still may email it so she can read it to them tomorrow).

A pencil maker told the pencil 5 important lessons just before putting it in the box:
1. Everything you do you will always leave a mark.
2. You can always correct the mistakes you make.
3. What is important is what is inside of you.
4. In life, you will undergo painful sharpening which will only make you better.
5. To be the best pencil, you must allow yourself to be held and guided by the hand that holds you.

I asked the attendant at the visitor desk about the historical magazines and she said she would have a box of 125 brought down for the kids but the buses had already boarded and were leaving. So I waited for them to be brought down and carried them to the school and delivered them to the front office for the teachers to pass out tomorrow. So even a little gift, like a souvenir pencil...can go on to represent kindness in ways we may never know, maybe one of the kids will make their mark in writing or with a test...or maybe they will just enjoy the gift and the happiness the surprise tomorrow when they each get their pencil. All we do know is that Random Act of Kindness makes marks on our heart that can never be erased!

Day 36: Breathe, Seek, Play...Cup of Cheer our Random Act of Kindness.

Today's random act was inspired from yesterday.  We loved delivering a cheerful surprise to an unsuspecting individual.  I told them about the girl who wrote letters to people and how it cheered them up.  They loved the idea and I said we could give them a teabag.  Elliott at first was like "A teabag, why would anyone want a teabag?"  I said it has been very cold this spring and a lot of people have been sick with colds.  I explained to him that you can boil water and make it into tea and it is helps someone who has a sore throat.  I told him the quote about how we are like a teabag, we never know how strong we are until we are in hot water.  Cooper said we could make a card to put the teabag in.  We set out to look for a quote to put inside the card.  We found a really nice story about how the teabag relates to Easter.  It was beautifully written but was too long for our homemade cards.  We found two that we liked the best.  On the outside of the card Elliott wrote a Cup of Cheer and Cooper wrote Random Act of Kindness.  On the inside we cut and pasted "Life is like making tea!  Boil your ego, Evaporate your worries, Dilute your sorrows, Filter your mistakes, Taste the Happiness"  On the other side we cut and pasted  another quote "Remember the tea kettle is always up to its neck in hot water, Yet it still sings!" and we taped a Twinings English Breakfast Teabag in it's red envelope.  Our kitchen table was a Random Acts of Kindness assembly line, cutting and pasting, writing and taping.  We had 20 completed cards and decided to head out to spread a cup of cheer.  We thought about who would like tea, since not everyone does...I said we could go to the bookstore because many people there drink coffee and some enjoy tea.  We entered Barnes and Nobles and the boys had their bag of cards ready to go.  They walked to the cafe and took notice of the crowd.  I could tell they were nervous and stood beside them at the bookshelf closest to the cafe.  I spotted a table of three young ladies and said "you could make three people happy at one time".  I thought they were going to have a race for a second to get to them, when Elliott stopped and approached an older female reading a book by herself.  He walked up to her and said "Here's  A Cup of Cheer".  She smiled and said "Thank You".  He replied "You're Welcome" and was running off as I saw her face light up as she read the inside.  Cooper went up to a table with a Mom and two teens.  He decided that this was going to be his first table.  He passed out his cards and then they were excitedly searching for the next person who would get "cheered" up.  One by one, we went around Barnes and Noble, surprising someone reading, or searching for a book.  One lady even came and found us after and told us that was so sweet of us.  Elliott gave the three young ladies at the cafe our homemade cards, they were most likely college students, and they in return lavished him with thanks.  Cooper found a young man sitting at a table by himself and he said he chose him because he looked sad (because he had his face resting in his hand).  They boys stayed close to each other and would keep track of how many cards they had left to give out.  Sometimes, in all their excitement, they would try to cheer someone up twice!! It made for a great laugh for all of us, and many of the recipient began to watch the boys going around the store and they were watching the expressions on the faces of those who received a card.  It was a fun filled afternoon, creating and making cards, then delivering and watching the smiles...It was as if we shared the cup of cheer as we watched the happiness spread as quickly as we passed our cards out.  This kind of kindness was everyone's cup of tea!

Day 35: Breathe, Seek, Play....Kindness Delivered.

 We talked about what we would like to do for our random act of kindness. The boys immediately said "Ding Dong Ditch" but I overruled them since we didn't have anything ready to "ditch" at an unsuspecting neighbor. I told them one of our first things we did last year was buy someone coffee...but this time we'd do it with a twist. We called the store, Old Navy, and a young female answered the phone. We asked her name and could she help us with something. She said sure. We asked her did she drink Starbucks coffee. She replied yes. We asked her what was her favorite kind. She replied White Mocha Iced. We asked her would she be still working around 6:30. She replied she was there until 9:30. We get a sense she knows coffee is coming her way, but she has NO IDEA from who. We set off with our handmade card..We affixed stickers that said you are BRILLIANT, you are SUPER, you are MAGNIFICENT (the stickers were the words in all caps) on the inside of the card telling her that we hope she enjoyed her surprise and to pay it forward when she could. We get to Starbucks and go inside (it's been awhile for me, I was a bit lost with all the sizes and choices) I didn't see what she wanted on the board but asked the barista could she make one. She smiled and said yes, and asked what size..we choose Grande. Then we looked over and the boys wanted to pick something sweet to go with her coffee. We saw two cake pops, one chocolate covered in a chocolate shell with white sprinkles and the other birthday cake covered in a pink shell with white sprinkles. She placed them in a bag and we asked if she had a sticker but they were out of the Starbucks kind. I asked did they have a stapler and she said yes, so Cooper gave me the card and when she saw that we were trying to fix a card onto the bag she found a plain sticker that worked nicely! She then said "we have a broken birthday cake pop and we can't sell it" so she gave it to us! KINDNESS RETURNED! The boys wanted to eat it right away, but out the door we went. Elliott commented that there were a lot of people there on their computers. Cooper replied they are trying to learn about coffee or get jobs there. I laughed and gave them the low down on people in coffee shops are there to enjoy the atmosphere and coffee. Next we arrive at Old Navy. We wait in line, not sure if the store clerks in the front are our unsuspecting gift receiver. We ask if Lauren was there and the clerk said she was in the fitting room area. The boys gave her the cake pops in the bag with our note along with the coffee. The clerk said "where you the ones who called earlier, she was so excited thinking someone was bringing her coffee". Made us smile. We told her to take the coffee back to her and that way we could make our escape! We raced to our car as fast as we could...and as we drove off we managed to divide our broken cake pop into thirds....Delivering Kindness is a sweet reward ♥

Day 34: Breathe, Seek, Play....Kindness.

Be a grace giver not a stone thrower....we are all guilty of casting rocks. This Holy Week we will commit to random acts of kindness ♥ Heaven knows we can all use a little of that!

You know, everyone is guilty of it, but most recognize and realize that if you are pointing a finger at someone there are three fingers pointing back at yourself. It is sad when rocks are thrown by those you feel the closest too, or those that accuse of you of wrong doing and are guilty of doing the very same thing, or when someone is trying to do good they rip them down with false accusations...it happens all the time, pure madness....why do people have to be so cruel? I think more people would be shocked to know the truth about about those that throw stones on purpose, we've all known a "Judas" in our lives. 

I have found to forgive and move on...Looking back, I realize that my always wanting to see the good in people was both a blessing and a curse.  I didn't realize that I kept a toxic friendship for far too long, and at various times forgave when clearly I wasn't getting the message that this was not a friendship at all.  I wanted it to be, but it wasn't.  It wasn't until I was reunited with friends from school that I realized that I was holding onto something that wasn't healthy at all.  Jealousy and hatred spewed as a result, I was stronger and realized this was not a healthy friendship.  I began setting boundaries and even came close to forgiving this person once again.  But something held me back, I listened to my heart this time.  This was not a genuine friendship at all, and a dear friend reminded me “When people hurt you over and over, think of them like sandpaper. They may scratch and hurt you a bit, but in the end, you end up polished and they end up useless.” She told  and that this individual was distracting me from what I should be focusing on in my life.  She was right, I took time away from things that brought me joy, and our relationship was one sided...I was being used only when she needed me as she was not there when I needed her.  Constant disagreements where she would say "I didn't feel a certain way or that I thought a certain way" because after all she had known me for so long she felt she knew me best...I realized she didn't know me at all.   And I realized I made excuses for this relationship time and time again, and had other friendships and family relationships destroyed because of it.  Promises made, but never kept, and a backlash of cruelty that only a few know about.  It made me wonder why I was even friends with this person in the first place.  I saw the good, and I wanted to still see the good, but realized that the hurt was too great and walked away.  I didn't stoop to the level of casting stones back at her, when every fiber in me wanted to.  I realized it took me almost 20 years to "wake up" and those that didn't know will find out in their own time.  It was also very disheartening that people turned away as stones were being cast, and I realized that she hurt relationships with those that I loved and created drama in hopes that I would come back and need her friendship again.  I have learned a great deal from all of this, and will not allow myself to stay or return to a toxic relationship as a result.  Sometimes we are betrayed by someone we once loved and felt close to...but do not let that steal your joy of the real friendships you have.  "There comes a time in life when you have to let go of all the pointless drama, and people who create it... And surround yourself with the people who make you laugh so hard... That you forget the bad, and focus solely on good. After all life is too short to be anything but HAPPY."  Cast your stones, like your worries away...this sandpaper friend taught me the value of real friendships, how forgiveness is not just something we do for other people; we do it for ourselves, that sometimes being silent about things is golden; but sometimes speaking up and stopping the madness may be better; my trust is greater and I found great resolve that I have no control over what a person thinks; people believe what they want to believe not matter what...I am not perfect and I still struggle with the casting of stones, it is natural when you are hurt to cry out to want to fight back.  But thanks to the sandpaper, I have learned so much and am more polished as a result. 

I realize  that in the end only kindness matters.  As much as I'd like to surround myself with happy, bubbly people and pretend that bad things do not exist...when they do, is not realistic.  But what I can do from time to time, is lift someone up and pray for those who cast stones on purpose.  We have all had so much hurt in our lives, that a little kindness can mean so much.  And like last year, during Lent we found that the joy in kindness was shared and we gained so much out of the experience.  So that I am happy to pass that along.  Kindness is a stone anyone can throw and the ripple effect is priceless.  So if you do feel the urge to throw a stone...choose Kindness!

Day 33: Breathe, Seek, Play...Changes

 Day 33:  Breathe, Seek, Play....Change.  “No connection, you would agree. But things can come together in strange ways. The wood was at the center, the hub of the wheel. All wheels must have a hub. A ferris wheel has one, as the sun is the hub of the wheeling calendar. Fixed points they are, and best left undisturbed, for without them, nothing holds together. But sometimes people find this out too late.” 
― Natalie Babbitt, Tuck Everlasting  

We started our new book tonight, Tuck Everlasting.  The boys were drawn into the story as soon as I read the prologue.  It is a simple tale with deep meanings, and at the center is a wheel, the hub that continues the cycle.  A chance to live forever, a bubbling spring that held more than just water, what if nothing ever changed? In the end you are left with a fundamental choice.  

I thought a lot about this story today.  Watching them throw the baseball to each other and breaking in their baseball gloves.  Listening to the instructions of how to catch a pop fly or a grounder...and then watched as they mimicked what they were taught when they thought no one was watching.  I giggled as they complimented each other, rolled my eyes when they fussed that the ball was not being thrown to where they could catch it, and worried when they threw the ball a little too hard (in fear someone was going to get hurt).  Then they built a playmobil set and had a  Calvary battle with Billy the Kid and his gang of outlaws.  Their imaginations ran wild as they played, creating a story and acting it out.  After dinner we went for a sunset bike ride and I watched them peddle down the street as we walked the dog behind them. The hubs of their wheels were turning....Elliott waving to all the houses and every car that passed...I thought back to the first time they rode their bikes, first with training wheels, then without, and the first time they wrecked.   We teach our children and they go off and try it one their own, sometimes they change what we taught them and adapt it to fit their style.  Sometimes they don't listen, and change results from trial and error.  But no matter what as I watched them ride off on their bikes into the sunset, things were changing, even though some things have stayed the same. 

 I am so blessed to watch the many changes that they boys are going through and experiencing.  I often joke that I wish that I could find a pause button and keep them little forever, they are growing up so fast.   But like in this story, we'd learn that change is necessary.  All stories, like life have a beginning, middle and an end.  Sometimes changes are good, and sometimes as much as you wish each spoke would stay the same,  it moves forward and hub at the center sees it all and holds it all together.  The story is much like life....full of discovery and how it all unfolds.  The choices we make and the changes that result.  There are people you may know that you feel so connected with and that you feel hold it altogether, or help you hold it together...Your hub may be your faith and your spokes made up of family, friends, work, hobbies, places....they are all part of a whole.  When one spoke breaks, the other spokes undergo a change as a result...because the hub of life will keep going.  So instead of me wanting to find the "pause" button when life is content, the moment is perfect, and I just want to hold onto it for as long as I can....I am changing my perspective to find the "play" button instead.   Getting into the game and rolling with the changes....On my life's remote, I will play the moments, pause the memories, stop the pain and rewind the happiness and look forward to the changes it brings.

Day 32: Breathe, Seek, Play....Live Like Jay

 After our week of school testing and epiphanies..we've finished reading Chasing Mavericks. Tonight we watched the movie. What an absolute perfect ending to this week and a positive message to the boys. Jay Moriarity at age 16 surfed Mavericks and dropped in on a 50 foot wave....he didn't ride it in, but slammed into concrete after the 45 ft or more drop. Crazy to watch that and realize someone can walk away from that kind of devastation. But he fought through so much adversity, fear, panic, hurt to get to a place that pushed him beyond normal limits and try again. I think at times we've all surfed a Maverick of one form or another in our lives. Maybe not on a surfboard with huge mountainous waves, but we've at one point or another been teetering in our minds on a 50 ft drop into the abyss...the drop, the letting go, the decent into what lies beneath....We've had our wipe outs, were we feel pinned under water and are unsure of which way is up. This week, watching and discovering Elliott surf his way through standardized testing was like watching Cooper surfing 8 foot waves on Emerald Isle. It is panic you feel as you watch your child teetering on a surfboard out in water so deep, and with sea life you pretend does not exist...and you watch in awe as he glides in the water as a wave towers over him and he has a look on his face that says he is more alive than he has ever been. I've been blessed to see this look on my boys faces...the moment they feel more alive than they've ever been, that exhilaration and joy. That is the look I saw on Elliott's face when he shared his reading level that had climbed to new heights this week, the same look when I told him how much higher his benchmark tests had rose when he took them with pencil and paper rather than on the computer. He rode a different wave, but no less intense...As a mother of twins, one with a disability and one that is a reflection, I see them as they see themselves, an extension of each other.....They both are amazing, they are not afraid to try new things and test the limits. I sometimes think they get that from me, but I know I cannot take all the credit, it is a seed inside of them that I nurtured and has grown. This is all them, I always push them to do more, to try more.....to take risks, but like they learned in the movie "all I will say is, the ones who push the limits sometimes discover....the limits sometimes push back". I pushed the limits for Elliott this week, the limits pushed back...The school administrator first resisted in letting Elliott retake the test but finally allowed him to retake it (after I presented how invaluable this would be in helping us figure out why his test scores had dropped)...and Elliott pushed back with his result of higher test scores. He surfed a wave of another kind, but the techniques all the same. I think it was God's perfect timing for us to read Chasing Mavericks at this particular time. How the boys watched how Jay did not give up, how he dared what was the impossible, and he listened to his mentor along the way. His mentor said at his memorial "We all come from the sea, but we are not all of the sea. Those of us who are, we children of the tides, must return to it, again and again, until the day we don't come back, leaving behind only that which was touched along the way."~~The book goes on to say 'this was the lesson of Jay's life', his mentor once told him "I know how good you are. I've seen you out there. You surf circles around those other kids. Those are normal waves. Surfing normal waves is about how you perform when everything goes right. Big wave surfing it's a different ball game. It's about how you perform when everything goes wrong. One bump off the face of that wave and you're hitting the water like concrete at 50 miles per hour. Then you got a thousand tons of water coming down on top of you. It's knocking you senseless, ripping you apart and pushing you down to a place that's so deep and so dark that you don't want to be there." Jay replied "why do you do it? Train me to ride" I feel that I am teaching my sons how to surf not only in the ocean but in life....that life is great when everything goes right, but there are times, and you need to know this...when everything will go wrong, and it matters most how you handle that. So no matter how the surf of life is tossing you or holding you down..whether or not your feet or steady and you are riding the wave or battling the white wash of wave after wave crashing upon you...we determine how we handle it. That part is in our control. Jay's mentor told him "What's going on inside of you, Jay? What are you afraid of? You've got a chance to change everything. Take it. This is about more than just surfing. This is about choices you make in life. This is about finding that one thing that sets you free. You need to believe in yourself or none of this matters." I hope my boys Live Like Jay...What an amazing story, to push yourself, to ride the waves of life, to be prepared when the swell changes, to know what to do when things go wrong, to drop in on something and feel so alive, to dare the impossible, to know I will always be watching from the shore (or if I get the nerve up this year I will be watching alongside them in the surf) and to always know to believe in each other as much as they believe in themselves. In life they may ride many waves, some on and off shore...Frosty, Jays' Mentor said their were 'Four Pillars of the Human Foundation'....the mental, emotional, physical and spiritual realms. Those that have found them know how to paddle and glide!

Day 31: Breathe, Seek, Play....Acceptance.

Temple Grandin said "You have got to keep autistic children engaged with the world.  You cannot let them tune out."  Elliott is retaking his benchmark testing today with pencil and paper to see if we can find out why his test scores fell despite all his progress since his seatwork and class tests do not reflect it. He didn't sleep well last night, woke up at 11:30 and went racing downstairs to find me, I met him at the top of the stairs as he ran back up and jumped into my arms. I know his mind is thinking of everything all at once, because when he woke up this morning he told me "Don't forget to print out our vocabulary words so we can practice tonight". He didn't remember waking up last night, and told us that 'we must be mistaken' that he didn't get up and run down the stairs ;) He didn't seem nervous at all, but I asked him if he wanted a special pencil to take, his eyes lit up. Praying for my little guy this morning, I told him that he will do amazing! We told him to circle words if he didn't understand them and to make a little sad face to the side of them so we will know if that may be impeding him from picking the correct answer. I am so proud of him and so appreciative of the school staff to hear my pleas to look into what may be causing this as well as looking into ways we can work as a team to help him with his progress! When we realized the paper and pencil test option may help with his upcoming Math benchmark (which is tomorrow), the school is going to see if that will be something that will help him with his Language Arts test as well. Hoping we find more answers in his answers today.

We talked last night about a game he loves to play called "Royal Revolt" that you start off the game without any help and when you defeat each level you are awarded with things which make your king and knights stronger for the next level. I told him how he walks into the school without the armor (as it applies to schoolwork/ease of knowledge) that most of the students wear. I told him how he goes in and he is doing the same thing as the other children and he does it without that armor and that makes him very brave. I told him every time he learns something new he advances to the next level and he gets stronger, just like the king on his game. I reminded him how many times it took him to defeat certain levels on his game, and that he didn't give up, he kept trying and eventually he advanced. He is wearing armor of a different kind today (and with all of your prayers, I know he's going to do well) I reminded him how far he's progressed in his reading alone....and he is keeping up with other students that he looked up to and thought he would never be able to be on their level. I know he is so proud of his accomplishments.

I realize that I have had Elliott's entire life to watch him learn, adapt and recognize when he progresses and regresses...My role as his mom has not just been to love, care and provide...but to try and figure out what can we do or try, how can we adapt to better assist him, and how can we help him rise up to meet the challenges when no assistance can be found (or will work)...I am so thankful for our incredible support system, those of you who have a child that struggles with similar issues, and those that who seek to learn more and gain a deeper understanding of autism and how it impacts not only the child but the family unit as a whole.  I am hopeful that our school will continue to work and explore all the ways that an autistic student learns and how our standardized school testing was not created with an autistic child in mind.  In California they allow children to take a modified standardized test to those with disabilities.  I often push Elliott to do everything any other child can do, but recognize that these tests may not be something his mind can process when he sees something as important but is not what a typical child would identify.  It is my hopes that both kind of tests can be given to children with disabilities...they are different not less. In contrast, I think most students if they viewed the world through Elliott's eyes would gain a deeper perspective and respect for just how much harder they work just to have acceptance.  We are so blessed with friends that "get" Elliott and enjoy having play dates and get togethers.  This support system of friends in school is part of the reason Elliott tries so hard, he wants to be just like them, though all the while he knows he is different.  We all just want to be accepted for who we are, we all think differently, feel things differently, experience the would differently...Life is constantly testing us all, we are going to make mistakes, we are going to have our apple cart overturned, we will experience times of smooth sailing, and times when we feel we are in a rut.  The world would be a better place if more would gain an understanding and awareness that it's ok to be different, it doesn't make us less.  After all, we are all just like Elliott, we just want to be accepted and loved for who we are.   And when we find that, we are truly blessed.  Thank you for your love and acceptance <3