This is almost word for word the life of our son Elliott....and with budget cuts taking away his Developmental Therapy April 15th in the state of NC, he and countless thousands will be losing a very crucial component of their therapy. We are blessed to have insurane that covers 80% of his OT and Speech therapy (which... he has 3 days a week) but we are devestated that he will lose 40 hours a month of developmental therapy after going throuh so much just to get it. Now he will be placed on a CAP "waiting" list....these children cannot "wait" for services....I beg and ask all of you to flood the legislative offices of NC to dig deep and find resources to help restore the funding that is so desperately needed.....what kind of world do you want???

Join our team the WonderTwinz.......you can donate directly on the link below or click on our team and you can sponsor Cooper and Elliott.....We'll be competing in the 5K Run/Walk and the Kids Dash!!

http://autismsocietync.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=346455&lis=1&kntae346455=218E40BDACE4497C89C184760F306BF8&supId=287757850

We went back once more to see the sea of golden spring flowers....it was quite crowded with so many visitors yesterday. It is awesome that the family allows guests to come and visit, sit a spell, and take pictures.

We went out to check out the daffodils in bloom and go through a trial run of poses and pics....we did grab some good ones...and hope to go back again this week

After two days of auger racing (to see who can get the most shells...we call it the Shrek Shell because he was an ogre and they are called augers.....we are silly like that) we now have a nice collection...heading off to the pool one last time before heading back to the real world ♥ it was a beautiful weekend at "Our Whit's End"

You know when your kids have watched Pirates of the Caribbean too many times when the one quote they remember is "Curiosity.....you're going to want to know what it tastses like" and if you ask them can you quote another "why is all the rum gone"! oyvay!

It was 6:30 AM when I hear SHRILLS from the boys that a Leprechaun had struck their toy room.....they had set a trap (a mason jar with a fake gold coin, with a little ladder leading up from a playmobil bed that they thought he would rest in) Green milk, lucky charms and we didn't catch our Leprechaun.....but what fun their morning was!!!

I have to give credit to their 4 year old preschool teacher who did this for her class every year....it was a great way for the kids to work as a team sorting and cleaning up the room while getting rid of things that they no longer played with. And Liz gave me the idea for green milk last night :) The boys have told everyone about almost catching a Leprechaun!!!

Wholeness as Life Begins

By Thomas X Corrigan

You have loved me without limit.
Hidden within you I was safe.
Your embrace was warm and soft.
I was constantly cushioned from harm.
You protected me with your whole self
As your body surrounded me and held me.
I began through your act of love
And I was welcomed and wanted.
You nourished me as you nourished yourself
And I was never wanting.
I became the focus of your love,
The hope and joy of your life.
I grew within you as God designs
And you stretched to make room for me.
Your life began to revolve around my coming
And you rejoiced in the miracle within you.
When the time of separation came,
You suffered for me that I might be free from you.
From darkness, warmth and safety within you,
You gave me to the world, so big and frightening.
You had fashioned me to a certain wholeness
And I was a person complete in being.
I was a life completed and whole,
Readied for longer life, but fulfilled without it.
I would know no pain of struggling growth,
No stumbling, no ageing, no tedious learning.
I would be forever free of attachment,
Gaining nothing to eventually let go of.
My body would never be broken;
My mind would never know anguish.
My heart’s brief, independent beating
Would never know the pain of loss.
I would have no fear, no threats;
I would only know love and being wanted.
The best of life you had given to me
And I was spared of spoiling it.
How hard for you to let go of me
And part from me prematurely.
You have lived for me for longer life
And my death ends all your hopes.
Your body broken open for me to birth,
Now shattered in heart you mourn me.
But know you gave me all the life I had.
You embraced me with all the love you could.
There was no lack of gift in your giving
And none of that has been marred by time.
My brief life in the world
Is overshadowed by my long, safe life within you.
It is in God now that I live life to the full,
And as I am with Him, I am with you,
For He is in you and around you, always with you

It is harder at times with a "special" one....knowing that his brain does not always function like his brothers and having to find ways to keep his emotions from escalating. He apparently has not had an episode at school yet, but I think that is due to the shift in events every 10 minutes (he is pulled out at least once/twice a day for his developmental class, and once a week for OT and Speech). He definitely is more of a handful when we've had regular milk (at McDonalds) which we rarely eat, but when travelling he does get it....he doesn't understand yet that the milk does effect his overall mood....And thankfully he loves the Soy milk and drinks water when there is no other option. Diet has definitely helped modify most of his behaviors but he has such a difficult time getting his emotions out in a rational manner. It is just one more thing in a list of things to work on....I can't help but just want to scoop him up and hold him when he is out of sorts.....but he can say some pretty harsh things for a 6 year old and start screaming to a point that it is upsetting his twin brother.

Yesterday we had such a great day after his OT appointment....he bounced basketball outside (counting while bouncing...his fav thing) then dinner....then we played Candyland and Whack a Mole.....then bath and 10 minute playtime....and storytime (which he earned the mommy lap spot...if they are really good they get a special story with just mommy while sitting in my lap....otherwise it is me reading a story with each of them at my side) He was so excited that he had laptime since he had two not so good nights and had to sit beside me. And after the story we said prayers, and had kisses and then he had an OCD moment about his stuffed animals on his bed (which he had one, which grew to 10 quickly and became a problem so we compromised and had 3....and last night he was stuck that he wanted 6)......which led to him screaming that he wanted 6 and he wasn't hearing anything anyone said....Cooper was trying to sleep and Elliott kept getting off his bed and trying to take Cooper's stuffed animals and when Cooper told me that was what he was doing....Elliott started screaming at him for telling on him. I finally had to take all of Elliott's stuffed animals off after giving him a warning that if he continued he would lose this privilege. Exhausted and overwhelmed....and by the time hubby got home from work they had finally settled down but I was wiped out!

Four years ago I had an IVF where no eggs were retrieved....yep you read that right...I was part of yet another statistic...a rare occurance in the IVF world....but in my hormone induced state, I went home and told my hubby...I know by my numbers that I had released eggs and lets do it the "old fashioned" way.....and I got pregnant....we could not believe it and neither could the staff at the RE's office. But I started spotting right away...which I had done before, and we were cautious....We had our miracle (assisted but unassisted...we had so much hope) but my little one could not hold on.....and our hearts were crushed. But hope endured even through the pain, and I have hope still.....And this is a poem that does capture how I feel about my losses....that I carry them with me, in my heart....


i carry your heart with me
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

ee cummings

Elliott has lost his front tooth....the never ending dangler...tonight at dinner....my baby's smile will be gone soon...waaaaaaaaaah! He is so excited and looking forward to the tooth fairy's visit and his "gold" coin!!!