There are times I get so tickled at Elliott...tonight he is playing foosball right behind me (by himself) and he keeps saying "are you laughing at me....are you laughing at me....the red team is winning...I am the fastest spinner in the game...you give yourself a point...hahaha" oh my stars my sides are aching!! He often laughs at dinner (usually about something his friend Javion has said earlier that day) and he cannot get it under control. He just laughs and gets himself tickled in the process. It is an infectious kind of laugh. There are many nights where I wish it was the silly kind of laughter filled kind....but often it is in tears and frustration. I envy his carefree spirit and finding a way to laugh even when he doesn't know what else to do or feel. He gets into each moment so intensely, whether it is humorous or heartbreaking. When he is upset and angry he has such a hard time expressing emotions that leads to him being somewhat inconsolable. He sometimes will say when he gets in trouble, it isn't me mom...it is my autism. He is way smarter than he is given credit for. I know I expect more from him than most, I push him hard to keep trying and not give up. Can't is not a word he will know. I do not his diagnosis define him or our family. I know he can do anything that he sets his mind to, we just have to sometimes go around our elbow to get to our thumb. I don't give him a pass for being Autistic (sure we pick our battles some nights when there are things that set him off). Society will not give him a pass, even though more and more are empathetic towards individuals with Autism. It would be ideally to live in a world that sees Elliott as I see him. But after a night like tonight...it would be something to see the world the way Elliott sees it~

Today was our 5K Run/Walk for Autism....it was a wonderful day...Elliott wore his police costume and Cooper wore his Army helmet and vest. Sandee and I joked that we should have worn a construction helmet and a Native American headdress. We said that some say it takes a village to raise a child, we'll we are the Village People! We began the race at the very back of the line (as all the runners were to be in front, walkers and strollers were to be in the back) We were the last team with only the police car behind us. We met up with a group of walkers before reaching mile marker one. Soon after, Elliott wanted to run because he said his "brain was telling him to run"...so we did (jogging). We left Sandee to push Cooper and off we went! We passed several people and Elliott saw two girls up in front. He said mom, we are team number two, if we can pass them we will win the race! And once we passed the girls, Elliott shouted over and over again to everyone he saw "WE ARE TEAM NUMBER ONE!" all the way to the finish line. It was such an overwhelming experience...each person that gave us support....made that moment possible ♥ It was priceless, and I was glad that everyone ahead of the girls had already finished so that we didn't have anymore to pass. We only planned on walking and not running so I was wearing flip flops...so picture my ... little policeman running full steam and me trying to keep up in flipflops behind....With him yelling all the way...what a pair we were!!! It still makes me smile big just thinking about it!! Next year I will wear tennis shoes and be prepared to RUN!! My camera was back in the stroller with Sandee and Cooper. I so wanted to take a picture of him crossing the line with his hands up in the air and his heart filled with pride thinking he was the first one to finish. It was a keepsake kind of moment, where there was no need for a picture, we were in the moment. I could feel it...and it was a moment I'll remember forever, crossing the finish line with him! We spent the afternoon listening to a Rock the Spectrum concert and Elliott enjoyed spinning to the hard rock bands! Cooper did his Lord of the Dance interpretation with his leg kicking moves! Our team the WonderTwinz raised the second highest amount for the day and we won a wonderful gift basket with Karate lessons, shirts and some gift certificates. It was truly and honor to raise the money. I had so many friends and family members on facebook donate, it was truly touching. I literally was in tears at each donation made. I shared with some how moving the donations were to me, we have lost all state funded services and are blessed to have insurance and school supports in place...but so many are not as fortunate and the services that are lost are so desperately needed. So many that gave, were under financial stress themselves (lost jobs, homes, etc) and they gave in such a big way! We give a BIG THANKS to my FB family that have honored Elliott and supported our family: Anji, Ron, Michelle, Missy B, Lynda, Andrea, Mary, Sherri, Liz, Leanne,Misty, Denise and Jim, Joy and Kevin, Dave and Heidi, Wendy W, Karen, Laura, Beth K, Donna Lea, Kinga, Kimberly, Pierre, Pam, Mary Jean, John S., Ricky M., Luke and Christine, cousin Homer, Jerry H., Jasmine, Yvonne and Yvette, Raymond and my mom, special thanks to Mike Zitz, Jenn and Bucky who have donated and posted our link on their FB pages....And to Sandee who came down and walked with us! We walked because you ROCKED ♥ We Love you!!!

It is harder at times with a "special" one....knowing that his brain does not always function like his brothers and having to find ways to keep his emotions from escalating. He apparently has not had an episode at school yet, but I think that is due to the shift in events every 10 minutes (he is pulled out at least once/twice a day for his developmental class, and once a week for OT and Speech). He definitely is more of a handful when we've had regular milk (at McDonalds) which we rarely eat, but when travelling he does get it....he doesn't understand yet that the milk does effect his overall mood....And thankfully he loves the Soy milk and drinks water when there is no other option. Diet has definitely helped modify most of his behaviors but he has such a difficult time getting his emotions out in a rational manner. It is just one more thing in a list of things to work on....I can't help but just want to scoop him up and hold him when he is out of sorts.....but he can say some pretty harsh things for a 6 year old and start screaming to a point that it is upsetting his twin brother.

Yesterday we had such a great day after his OT appointment....he bounced basketball outside (counting while bouncing...his fav thing) then dinner....then we played Candyland and Whack a Mole.....then bath and 10 minute playtime....and storytime (which he earned the mommy lap spot...if they are really good they get a special story with just mommy while sitting in my lap....otherwise it is me reading a story with each of them at my side) He was so excited that he had laptime since he had two not so good nights and had to sit beside me. And after the story we said prayers, and had kisses and then he had an OCD moment about his stuffed animals on his bed (which he had one, which grew to 10 quickly and became a problem so we compromised and had 3....and last night he was stuck that he wanted 6)......which led to him screaming that he wanted 6 and he wasn't hearing anything anyone said....Cooper was trying to sleep and Elliott kept getting off his bed and trying to take Cooper's stuffed animals and when Cooper told me that was what he was doing....Elliott started screaming at him for telling on him. I finally had to take all of Elliott's stuffed animals off after giving him a warning that if he continued he would lose this privilege. Exhausted and overwhelmed....and by the time hubby got home from work they had finally settled down but I was wiped out!

We have a diagnosis "pervasive developmental disorder". Finally we have something, and now we are taking it one step at a time. Where he is on the austism spectrum will be in the next set of tests. We are on everyones waiting list. Please pray we find information as soon as possible! He is 5 now and I so wished that the DR's and others had listened to me all along that Elliott needed help. I wish I had fought harder for him. But there is nothing I can do about it now, except refuse to take 'no' for an answer and I will be knocking on and knocking down any doors and walls that get in the way! I have a new support group in place with local moms from the NC Autism Society. They are helping to provide all the information, resources, and are being great advocates for us!

Fighting his IEP, since they do not want to change his current one now that he has a diagnosis. We are not sending him to public school in the fall, and we are fighting to get him services while he is in a private Montessori kindergarten class. I feel in my gut that it will be better for him to have one year of therapies and a "trial" kindergarten while we await the school to provide an appropriate IEP and not let Elliott be a "learn as they go along" kind of student.

I may not be online much in the coming days, there is so much still do and that is my main priority right now! Just wanted to let you all know and any support, prayers, etc. will be appreciated!