“Sometimes I do get to places

 just when God's ready to have somebody click the shutter.”

Ansel Adams

I love to photograph the sunrise at the beach.  It is such a peaceful and serene moment.  It feels as if  you are stealing a breath of God with each picture as the sun breaks over the horizon....it is that powerful.  They are energizing and inspiring and can really set the tone for the day.  I miss them,  as they occur only from fall to spring....the sun shifts and comes back.  I think I have taken over 5,000 pictures of sunrises in the past three years. I have never seen two the same, although some seem more spectacular than others.  And as beautiful as they are, I am glad that they are only there for a certain time, making them even more special.  Even anticipating when they will return and make there way past the pier and nestle back into the ocean's arms. 

Now when I venture out in the morning on the beach....my camera and I explore and capture other moments that are missed if one was looking at only the sunrise.  It is that way with life at times, we get so caught up in things that we think are important or focus so much on things that we miss the little things.  Things like the broken shell on the shore, the bird's reflection in the water, the sound of the water not when it crashes in the wave but when it gently rolls up on the shore.  We get caught up in life and lose the moments.  One thing is certain...the sunrises, the sunsets....what is really important are the moments we capture inbetween!

In a world filled with photoshopped pictures that are retouched to make a photograph altered in hopes of creating a masterpiece....no one would have ever suggested to alter Picasso's work.....it is nice to look at and appreciate true art in a natural sense.....that a photo when when taken needs no touch ups and can stand on its own and becomes timeless......

You don't take a photograph. You ask, quietly, to borrow it. And if you are really lucky, the photo takes you ~ Author Unknown

Above all, I craved to seize the whole essence, in the confines of one single photograph, of some situation that was in the process of unrolling itself before my eyes. Henri Cartier-Bresson

There are times I get so tickled at Elliott...tonight he is playing foosball right behind me (by himself) and he keeps saying "are you laughing at me....are you laughing at me....the red team is winning...I am the fastest spinner in the game...you give yourself a point...hahaha" oh my stars my sides are aching!! He often laughs at dinner (usually about something his friend Javion has said earlier that day) and he cannot get it under control. He just laughs and gets himself tickled in the process. It is an infectious kind of laugh. There are many nights where I wish it was the silly kind of laughter filled kind....but often it is in tears and frustration. I envy his carefree spirit and finding a way to laugh even when he doesn't know what else to do or feel. He gets into each moment so intensely, whether it is humorous or heartbreaking. When he is upset and angry he has such a hard time expressing emotions that leads to him being somewhat inconsolable. He sometimes will say when he gets in trouble, it isn't me mom...it is my autism. He is way smarter than he is given credit for. I know I expect more from him than most, I push him hard to keep trying and not give up. Can't is not a word he will know. I do not his diagnosis define him or our family. I know he can do anything that he sets his mind to, we just have to sometimes go around our elbow to get to our thumb. I don't give him a pass for being Autistic (sure we pick our battles some nights when there are things that set him off). Society will not give him a pass, even though more and more are empathetic towards individuals with Autism. It would be ideally to live in a world that sees Elliott as I see him. But after a night like tonight...it would be something to see the world the way Elliott sees it~

Today was our 5K Run/Walk for Autism....it was a wonderful day...Elliott wore his police costume and Cooper wore his Army helmet and vest. Sandee and I joked that we should have worn a construction helmet and a Native American headdress. We said that some say it takes a village to raise a child, we'll we are the Village People! We began the race at the very back of the line (as all the runners were to be in front, walkers and strollers were to be in the back) We were the last team with only the police car behind us. We met up with a group of walkers before reaching mile marker one. Soon after, Elliott wanted to run because he said his "brain was telling him to run"...so we did (jogging). We left Sandee to push Cooper and off we went! We passed several people and Elliott saw two girls up in front. He said mom, we are team number two, if we can pass them we will win the race! And once we passed the girls, Elliott shouted over and over again to everyone he saw "WE ARE TEAM NUMBER ONE!" all the way to the finish line. It was such an overwhelming experience...each person that gave us support....made that moment possible ♥ It was priceless, and I was glad that everyone ahead of the girls had already finished so that we didn't have anymore to pass. We only planned on walking and not running so I was wearing flip flops...so picture my ... little policeman running full steam and me trying to keep up in flipflops behind....With him yelling all the way...what a pair we were!!! It still makes me smile big just thinking about it!! Next year I will wear tennis shoes and be prepared to RUN!! My camera was back in the stroller with Sandee and Cooper. I so wanted to take a picture of him crossing the line with his hands up in the air and his heart filled with pride thinking he was the first one to finish. It was a keepsake kind of moment, where there was no need for a picture, we were in the moment. I could feel it...and it was a moment I'll remember forever, crossing the finish line with him! We spent the afternoon listening to a Rock the Spectrum concert and Elliott enjoyed spinning to the hard rock bands! Cooper did his Lord of the Dance interpretation with his leg kicking moves! Our team the WonderTwinz raised the second highest amount for the day and we won a wonderful gift basket with Karate lessons, shirts and some gift certificates. It was truly and honor to raise the money. I had so many friends and family members on facebook donate, it was truly touching. I literally was in tears at each donation made. I shared with some how moving the donations were to me, we have lost all state funded services and are blessed to have insurance and school supports in place...but so many are not as fortunate and the services that are lost are so desperately needed. So many that gave, were under financial stress themselves (lost jobs, homes, etc) and they gave in such a big way! We give a BIG THANKS to my FB family that have honored Elliott and supported our family: Anji, Ron, Michelle, Missy B, Lynda, Andrea, Mary, Sherri, Liz, Leanne,Misty, Denise and Jim, Joy and Kevin, Dave and Heidi, Wendy W, Karen, Laura, Beth K, Donna Lea, Kinga, Kimberly, Pierre, Pam, Mary Jean, John S., Ricky M., Luke and Christine, cousin Homer, Jerry H., Jasmine, Yvonne and Yvette, Raymond and my mom, special thanks to Mike Zitz, Jenn and Bucky who have donated and posted our link on their FB pages....And to Sandee who came down and walked with us! We walked because you ROCKED ♥ We Love you!!!

Tonight....Cooper comes to me after his bath...and says he has a new idea for his birthday party. He wants to have a dance. And everyone will dance and will get medals that he will make (out of paper) but the girls will get dollars............SAY WHAT??? What was a mom to say...I was on the phone with my mom at the time (can we say...witness) It was a purely innocent comment...but I can just see him now, so proud of his idea and sharing it with his class at school. Oh me, oh my, surely he has no idea how many dollars he will be shelling out to the girls in the years to come...and I can only hope and pray that it will not be to girls that are dancing for dollars!!

Jadens Autism Support Video

Oh this song has such a special meaning to our family.....it's not about fixing Elliott...though at first, when he was diagnosed, it was all about doing anything and everything to help him to fix him. But there comes a time when you realize that there is no cure, but there is hope. More people are opening up their he...arts and eyes to see the spectrum as they have never done before...it's about getting the message out there that our children can be challenging at times but they have so many gifts to offer.... family and friends support to families that have a child on the spectrum is so critical, you will never know how much a phone call or just stopping by, offering an ear of understanding and compassion, learning and asking questions, means more than you will ever know!!

Yesterday, while picking the boys up from school I barely could contain my laughter at their conversation. It was about their upcoming birthday party and who they were going to invite. Some background information before their conversation plays out....Aneesha is Coopers girlfriend in his current Kindergarten class. Georgia Mae is Cooper's other girlfriend from his Montessori Kindergarten class. Meredith was Cooper and Elliott's girlfriend from Montessori (but Georgia Mae wanted Cooper all to herself and did not like him talking to other girls because he was going to marry her). Now here's the rest of the story:

Elliott "Cooper I am going to invite Georgia Mae to our Birthday"

Cooper "I don't want her to come, ELLIOTT"

Elliott "Why not?"

Cooper "Because I am asking Aneesha to come and Georgia Mae will not like it if she is talking to me"

Elliott "Georgia Mae won't get mad if you talk to Aneesha"

Cooper "Well, she will get mad because Aneesha will want to hug me"

Elliott "I don't care I am still going to invite her"

Cooper "I don't want her to come Elliott (pronouced EL EEE OOOOOTTT)and a mean face that followed

Elliott "I know, tomorrow at school tell Aneesha on your birthday that you do not want her to hug you"

Cooper "But I really want Aneesha to hug me on my birthday" (he makes a smiley face as if he is picturing her hugging him)

Elliott "I've got a plan.....you can take Aneesha into the Moon Bounce and hug her there"

(ok...fits of laughter from me could not be contained)

Cooper "I don't think it is a good idea to invite Georgia Mae because I want to marry Aneesha now. Besides I already have my picture taken with her last year at my party"

Elliott "Can we invite Meredith then?"

Cooper replies "aye ya aye" and rolls his eyes.

My boys and their girlfriends....Does it have to start so soon? At least Elliott says he's going to marry me when he grows up. He says that I will be Memaw and he will be Pawpaw and we will be Cooper and Aneesha's kids grandparents. I love how candidly they talk about where they are going to live (Elliott with me and Cooper says he'll live nearby so that his kids can walk to our house). Elliott worries about going to college and work. He worries about how he is going to drive. I tell him that I will teach him and he'll have a class in school to teach him. He worries about how he will get to Virginia to see his cousins. He wants to know if it is a straight line to get there. When I tell him know there are different roads and I show him on a map, he can get quite upset. He worries about college and work and following their rules...things he really doesn't have need to worry with right now. For a long time Elliott said he was going to be in the Army. Cooper says he will be a Marine. They think that they will be on the same base as each other. Cooper's mind is all about he's going to get married and have children and that Elliott and I will take care of them.

What their kindergarten mind is thinking....they have their whole lives ahead of them, yet they worry and are planning for it as if it is tomorrow. My boys...my little men~

Woke up to another amazing sunrise today. Yesterday's sunrise was gorgeous. It was spectacular. I called it the never ending sunrise as it played peek a boo in and out of clouds as it begain its climb up into the sky. I must have taken over 800 pictures of the brillant rich hues of pink, orange, yellow and red that the clouds seemed to drink up! I thought for sure I had found my picture of the day. That was until Elliott hit his already loose tooth after dinner. He wiggled it free (because we were going to the pool and he was worried he'd lose it there). We took pictures and called family members to report the "big news". He chose which pictures he wanted to put on the "internet", which he feels anything I put on facebook is seen by everyone around the world. We went to the pool, bathed and settled in to watch our movie for the night "The Prince of Egypt". I read Elliott all the replies his snaggle puss smile pictures had received since we were gone. He was so thrilled. This morning, I felt certain that his first words to me were going to be "mom, look I got another Gold Coin"(from the tooth fairy)...but instead he looked at me and said "Mom, how many people have seen my picture". Priceless....It reminded me of this story about life is like a cup of coffee. Sometimes we get caught up in life to even see what really matters. The sun rises to greet us each day, and most peole do not even notice it. Like the moment of a child who's excitement over losing a tooth cannot be captured with a photo....the memory is forever. Take notice, make memories. When all is said and done, the legacy we leave behind is not going to be "things". Material things are just that.....what is really important is living life with passion and zest, forming healthy relationships with others and fostering them as we grow, appreciating and the ability to see the simple things and not getting caught up in the "haves" and "have nots". Life is about finding really meaning and purpose, living in the moment and waking up each morning just to enjoy the coffee and not the cup! CHEERS~

We went to see "Nobody's Perfect" at ECU tonight.  It was a storyline about a deaf girl in the fourth grade and a new girl who comes to the school that appears to be perfect.  Then very early on you see this newcomer wants to steer clear of her "impaired" classmate and says no when she is invited to a birthday party for her.  Then the two unlikely matches get paired up to enter a science fair and while they are working on their project, the "perfect" one's autistic brother appears.  Oh my heart...I was a mess in tears.  The brother was severely autistic and could not talk but during the show, he interacted with the deaf girl and learned to sign.  Heartstrings pulled in every direction.  The girl that was deaf was talking to her brother and said how she felt sad...and he said sad that he has Autism?  She said no...said that his sister treated him as if he was not there.  The brother said how he could understand how she felt, that having someone who is so special makes it hard to be perfect.  How I wish the boys were able to get more meaning out of the moments that transcended from this point onwards. 

I often think about how Cooper feels about the attention his brother receives because of his special talents.  How much does he recognize that his brother is different....it doesn't seem that he sees his brother in any other way but just as he is.  Simple, loving....unconditional.  We talked with the boys after the play about Elliott being like the boy in the play autistic, on the spectrum, and that he could talk, etc. where the other boy could not.  He immediately asked....mom, what is autism.  Briefly giving a basic description where the only part that he remembered and immediately told Cooper "Mom said I have more senses than you" (talking about having more sensory uniquenessess)  It was quite a funny moment.  But it is the beginning of many conversations we will have and I pray that the bond these two share will be the bridge of hope for them both to understand and help others to be more aware, and have empathy when it comes to those with autism. 

We've had some challenging nights the past two nights....Elliott has had difficulty remembering his spelling words.....it is repetition, repetition, repetition.  I feel like sometimes my friends may hear the same stories over and over again...it's a part of my life and sometimes I get caught up in the craziness of it all and will share the same story again and again (or maybe it is part timers....and I am really losing it).  Losing our developmental therapist will be tough goings for our family.   She has been with us for a year.....and budget cuts have ceased funding for autism cases that are not on CAP.  Yes, it sucks to be us...but we do have private insurance which pays for OT and speech twice a week.  So I will be running both boys to therapy (where Cooper and I sit in the lobby making the most of our hours).  It is so hard watching your child struggle with some basic things and yet grasp complex issue....forget his spelling words but can pull memories from years ago and recount them as if it were yesterday.  His mind is full of curious wonder....and I attempt to feed it with hands on fun and learning as much as possible.  It is emotionally and physically taxing...but what parent wouldn't do this for their child?  My children are my life, going through all the pain and loss just to have them.....knowing what blessings they are.....appreciating all the uniqueness and wild wonder, and all the moments inbetween.  I know I am not perfect parent, I have less than stellar moments when Elliott has an "episode" or Cooper has "an attention seeker moment".   But I am driven to push on, to pick my battles and foster their creative minds.  I can't imagine life any different.

Today I am feeling these words..............Alive and Kicking ♥ What you gonna do when things go wrong? What you gonna do when it all cracks up? What you gonna do when the Love burns down? What you gonna do when the flames go up? Who is gonna come and turn the tide? What's it gonna take to make a dream survive? Who's got the touch to calm the storm inside? Who's gonna save you? Alive and Kicking!!!

As women we go through so many changes. We love, we laugh, we grow. A friend posted on facebook that we are cheerleaders for everyone in our lives, our family, friends, coworkers, etc...but who cheers for us? At some point in our lives we learn to become our own cheerleaders. We begin to nuture ourselves, find out who we are...and we are reborn. Some would say it is a mid-life crisis...but I feel it is more like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon. All the trials, joys and experience that life brings is contained in our safe cocoon where we grow and change and transform. Free to fly, to do things without reservation. To enjoy and live in all the moments, to let the house be dirty, the beds unmade, to eat dessert first, to be silly....a time of empowerment where we discover gifts that are inside us and we explore them...Our adventurous side evolves...It's an awakening....and I, for one, am ALIVE AND KICKING!!

This is almost word for word the life of our son Elliott....and with budget cuts taking away his Developmental Therapy April 15th in the state of NC, he and countless thousands will be losing a very crucial component of their therapy. We are blessed to have insurane that covers 80% of his OT and Speech therapy (which... he has 3 days a week) but we are devestated that he will lose 40 hours a month of developmental therapy after going throuh so much just to get it. Now he will be placed on a CAP "waiting" list....these children cannot "wait" for services....I beg and ask all of you to flood the legislative offices of NC to dig deep and find resources to help restore the funding that is so desperately needed.....what kind of world do you want???

Join our team the WonderTwinz.......you can donate directly on the link below or click on our team and you can sponsor Cooper and Elliott.....We'll be competing in the 5K Run/Walk and the Kids Dash!!

http://autismsocietync.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=346455&lis=1&kntae346455=218E40BDACE4497C89C184760F306BF8&supId=287757850

We went back once more to see the sea of golden spring flowers....it was quite crowded with so many visitors yesterday. It is awesome that the family allows guests to come and visit, sit a spell, and take pictures.

We went out to check out the daffodils in bloom and go through a trial run of poses and pics....we did grab some good ones...and hope to go back again this week

After two days of auger racing (to see who can get the most shells...we call it the Shrek Shell because he was an ogre and they are called augers.....we are silly like that) we now have a nice collection...heading off to the pool one last time before heading back to the real world ♥ it was a beautiful weekend at "Our Whit's End"

You know when your kids have watched Pirates of the Caribbean too many times when the one quote they remember is "Curiosity.....you're going to want to know what it tastses like" and if you ask them can you quote another "why is all the rum gone"! oyvay!

It was 6:30 AM when I hear SHRILLS from the boys that a Leprechaun had struck their toy room.....they had set a trap (a mason jar with a fake gold coin, with a little ladder leading up from a playmobil bed that they thought he would rest in) Green milk, lucky charms and we didn't catch our Leprechaun.....but what fun their morning was!!!

I have to give credit to their 4 year old preschool teacher who did this for her class every year....it was a great way for the kids to work as a team sorting and cleaning up the room while getting rid of things that they no longer played with. And Liz gave me the idea for green milk last night :) The boys have told everyone about almost catching a Leprechaun!!!

Wholeness as Life Begins

By Thomas X Corrigan

You have loved me without limit.
Hidden within you I was safe.
Your embrace was warm and soft.
I was constantly cushioned from harm.
You protected me with your whole self
As your body surrounded me and held me.
I began through your act of love
And I was welcomed and wanted.
You nourished me as you nourished yourself
And I was never wanting.
I became the focus of your love,
The hope and joy of your life.
I grew within you as God designs
And you stretched to make room for me.
Your life began to revolve around my coming
And you rejoiced in the miracle within you.
When the time of separation came,
You suffered for me that I might be free from you.
From darkness, warmth and safety within you,
You gave me to the world, so big and frightening.
You had fashioned me to a certain wholeness
And I was a person complete in being.
I was a life completed and whole,
Readied for longer life, but fulfilled without it.
I would know no pain of struggling growth,
No stumbling, no ageing, no tedious learning.
I would be forever free of attachment,
Gaining nothing to eventually let go of.
My body would never be broken;
My mind would never know anguish.
My heart’s brief, independent beating
Would never know the pain of loss.
I would have no fear, no threats;
I would only know love and being wanted.
The best of life you had given to me
And I was spared of spoiling it.
How hard for you to let go of me
And part from me prematurely.
You have lived for me for longer life
And my death ends all your hopes.
Your body broken open for me to birth,
Now shattered in heart you mourn me.
But know you gave me all the life I had.
You embraced me with all the love you could.
There was no lack of gift in your giving
And none of that has been marred by time.
My brief life in the world
Is overshadowed by my long, safe life within you.
It is in God now that I live life to the full,
And as I am with Him, I am with you,
For He is in you and around you, always with you

It is harder at times with a "special" one....knowing that his brain does not always function like his brothers and having to find ways to keep his emotions from escalating. He apparently has not had an episode at school yet, but I think that is due to the shift in events every 10 minutes (he is pulled out at least once/twice a day for his developmental class, and once a week for OT and Speech). He definitely is more of a handful when we've had regular milk (at McDonalds) which we rarely eat, but when travelling he does get it....he doesn't understand yet that the milk does effect his overall mood....And thankfully he loves the Soy milk and drinks water when there is no other option. Diet has definitely helped modify most of his behaviors but he has such a difficult time getting his emotions out in a rational manner. It is just one more thing in a list of things to work on....I can't help but just want to scoop him up and hold him when he is out of sorts.....but he can say some pretty harsh things for a 6 year old and start screaming to a point that it is upsetting his twin brother.

Yesterday we had such a great day after his OT appointment....he bounced basketball outside (counting while bouncing...his fav thing) then dinner....then we played Candyland and Whack a Mole.....then bath and 10 minute playtime....and storytime (which he earned the mommy lap spot...if they are really good they get a special story with just mommy while sitting in my lap....otherwise it is me reading a story with each of them at my side) He was so excited that he had laptime since he had two not so good nights and had to sit beside me. And after the story we said prayers, and had kisses and then he had an OCD moment about his stuffed animals on his bed (which he had one, which grew to 10 quickly and became a problem so we compromised and had 3....and last night he was stuck that he wanted 6)......which led to him screaming that he wanted 6 and he wasn't hearing anything anyone said....Cooper was trying to sleep and Elliott kept getting off his bed and trying to take Cooper's stuffed animals and when Cooper told me that was what he was doing....Elliott started screaming at him for telling on him. I finally had to take all of Elliott's stuffed animals off after giving him a warning that if he continued he would lose this privilege. Exhausted and overwhelmed....and by the time hubby got home from work they had finally settled down but I was wiped out!

Four years ago I had an IVF where no eggs were retrieved....yep you read that right...I was part of yet another statistic...a rare occurance in the IVF world....but in my hormone induced state, I went home and told my hubby...I know by my numbers that I had released eggs and lets do it the "old fashioned" way.....and I got pregnant....we could not believe it and neither could the staff at the RE's office. But I started spotting right away...which I had done before, and we were cautious....We had our miracle (assisted but unassisted...we had so much hope) but my little one could not hold on.....and our hearts were crushed. But hope endured even through the pain, and I have hope still.....And this is a poem that does capture how I feel about my losses....that I carry them with me, in my heart....


i carry your heart with me
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

ee cummings

Elliott has lost his front tooth....the never ending dangler...tonight at dinner....my baby's smile will be gone soon...waaaaaaaaaah! He is so excited and looking forward to the tooth fairy's visit and his "gold" coin!!!

We had a great morning yesterday with a not so great today...but I went all "super nanny" and had him sit in time out (which he kept getting up from, so I had to keep putting him back) Time outs really make him stop...Today he was upset because one of his toys (a playmobile fort) needed a piece snapped on so that his people wouldn't fall off....he was getting so frustrated and wanted me to stop everything to do it and when I did not....CHAOS...whine, scream, cry!! At breakfast he went on and on and on....I don't want this for breakfast, and then he got stuck on the toy thing...but I did not let him push my buttons today!! It's nice to know that I am not the only mom that has rough days!!

And the award for the worst mother goes to......

For her performance in "This morning's breakfast" goes to me.....yep, one of those mornings...trying to recover feeling like I am the worst mommy in the world! I'd like to give thanks to the oatmeal that was either too hot, or too cold, not enough milk, too much milk....I did turn into a bear and "goldilocks"...how fitting it would be Elliott (my blondie).....but oh how it weighs on a mommy's heart to watch how much he struggles and know that there are so many things he can't help!!! It's mornings like these that I worry sometimes about how he will be treated by others who do not know the "uniqueness" of his character!

He is constipated which only aggravates his moods. We've had three mornings of oatmeal and lunch with yogurt and hopefully things will work themselves out. I know he can't help it, it's just a part of autism....but boy some mornings can be more challenging than others. He has a difficult time expressing his emotions appropriately....and I know that he doesn't mean the things that he says but boy does he send some zingers out at me. Which he always apologizes for and his "sorry" is one of the most heartfelt ones I have heard, you can really feel he means it. We had a big hug and talk before he went to school. He came home from school and did his homework, which started out rough but he got through it. Then he had to go to OT and back home for dinner. He has to work so much harder than everyone else and I am sure that he gets frustrated more now because he is realizing he is different than other kids his age.

Anywho....I feel a bit better sharing this as I know many of us have had crazy mornings....right??? Please tell me I am not the only one!!

I am just wondering....how many moms with children on the spectrum were exposed to Pitocin during labor? They have just released information about Oxytocin and some of the changes it has with autistic children and it's correlation to pitocin....I had a long labor (started and then stopped with one day of pitocin for about 8 hours but no increase in dialation) the next day labor was progressing on its on and they started the pitocin at 2pm but still no progression until they increased the dose at 7PM and my boys were delivered vaginally at 2:35AM and 2:55AM...and I had a severe reaction which was pitocin related after delivery. It just got me to thinking about things, since I never saw a correlation with my boys and their vaccines (we have documented video of what I call losing Elliott....where he was doing things from the get go and slowly started losing his abilities and evenutally his smile) Thankfully with much therapy we are progressing and he has regained and made up ground on many skills (mostly gross and fine motor). But I was curious as to what others thought about the subject?

Ok girls....I finally had a moment to gather some thoughts....20 things that make me happy......

1. The laughter and special moments shared with my boys I could fill up all 25 of these with happiness I have just with them!
2. Just being silly, the kind of silly where you are laughing so hard and cannot stop!
3. going to church....devotional time and prayer...the peaceful feeling always makes me happy.
4. A sunrise at the beach
5. Being with my family
6. Hanging out with my best gal pals anywhere at anytime..the laughter, the fun...priceless.
7. Painting on canvas
8. Capturing a memory in a photograph....I am seldom without my camera (I think it could be my security blanket) I love pictures...looking at old ones in an album and taking new ones!
9. Krispy Kremes Hot Fresh Now Sign....because it is followed by squeals of delight (usually from me, and at least a dozen doughnuts)....sheer bliss.
10. And...I'll just say it....an orgasim...not just any kind...but the Meg Ryan with Billy Crystal in the restaurant scene from "When Harry Met Sally"...the kind that makes you want to smoke afterwards...and you don't even smoke....I seriously can't believe all of you made a list without listing that LMAO
11. Gardening...planting flowers and plants...which is why my hands are always in distress....I love playing in the dirt! I seriously love watching a rose bud unfold and the smell of a jasmine vine.....
12. My fish tank....I love all my cichlids
13. Poetry.....I love it
14. Building sandcastles on the beach with the boys.....the water, fun in the sun....pure happiness.
15. Watching loggerhead turtles hatch on the beach with a starlit sky....miraculous moments!
16. A bubble bath.
17. A great conversation.
18. Hot chocolate....oh who am I kidding here...any kind of chocolate...as long as it is quality chocolate...there is a difference (again I am surprised no one said this either lol)
19. Trips to Walt Disney World
20. Christmas....everything about it, from decorating, to get togethers, the shopping, the baking....everything!
21. Rain on a tin roof.
22. Hearing my favorite songs...and listening to acoustic music.
23. A glass or two of a really great wine
24. The smell of a a baby after a bath...I love the smell of Johnson and Johnson's No More Tears....
25. Love, simple and pure love :)

~ The Awakening ~
A time comes in your life when you finally get it... when in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out, "ENOUGH!" Enough fighting and crying or struggling to old on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and, through a mantle of wet lashes, you begin to look at the world through new eyes. This is your awakening. You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety, and security to come galloping over the new horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella (nor are you Superman and she, Lois Lane!) and that in the real world there aren't always fairytale endings (or beginnings, for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with YOU and in the process a sense of SERENITY is born of ACCEPTANCE. You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate, or approve of who or what you are... and that's okay! (They are still entitled to their own views and opinions.) You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always about YOU. And you begin to sift through all the stuff you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look and how much you should weigh, what you should wear and where you should shop, what you should drive, how and where you should live, and what you should do for a living, whom you should sleep with, whom you should marry, and what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children, or what you owe your parents. You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing. You stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix. You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a by-gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life. You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting BOUNDARIES and learning to say, "NO." You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake. Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them to be. You stop trying to control people, situations, and outcomes. You learn that just as people grow and change so it is with love... and you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms just to make you happy. And you learn that alone does not mean lonely... and you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up." You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity, and respect... and you won't settle for less... and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect. And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water, and taking more time to exercise. You learn the fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our souls. So you take more time to laugh and to play. You learn that for the most part, in life you get what you believe you deserve... and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline, and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it's OK to risk asking for help. You learn to fight for your life and not to squander living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve, and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that your Higher Power isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state -- the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy, and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and to make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never settle for less than your heart's desire. And you hang a windchime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility. Finally, with courage in your heart and your Higher Power by your side, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can.~ Author Unknown

To my Sex and the City Girlfriends....I am so blessed to have you all in my life :)

The Eskimos have hundreds of words for snow but we've invented three times that many words for relationships. What really defines a relationship? What ultimately defines a relationship is another relationship. When real people fall down in life, they get right back up and keep walking. Usually when a child falls, then learn to put their hands out next time. I began to realize that being beautiful is like having a rent-controlled apartment overlooking the park: completely unfair and usually bestowed upon those who deserve it least. I take that back. Beauty is fleeting, but a rent-controlled apartment overlooking the park is forever. Everywhere I looked, people were standing in two's. It was like Noah's upper west side rent-controlled ark. I will not be the first one to speak. And if he never calls me again, I'll always think of him fondly. As an asshole. By the way, jackrabbit sex is like maturbation with a woman instead of your hand. He's a regular Jerk de Soleil. New York City is all about sex. People getting it, people trying to get it, people who can't get it. No wonder the city never sleeps. It's too busy trying to get laid. Men aren't that complicated. They're kind of like plants. Sports night: every female's fantasy. A room full of captive heterosexual men all looking to be distracted during commercial breaks. The most important thing in life is your family. There are days you love them, and others you don't, but in the end they're the people you always come home to. Sometimes it's the family you're born into and sometimes it's the one you make for yourself. An hour later I had solved the unsolvable friendship equation. It seems the answer is this: cosmopolitans plus scotch equals friendship with an ex. There are very few things a New Yorker loves as much as Sunday brunch. You can sleep until noon and still get eggs anywhere in the city, alcohol is often included with the meal, and Sunday is the one day a week you get the single woman's sports pages: the New York Times wedding section. I'm not even sure bisexuality exists. I think it's just a layover on the way to gaytown. I realized I was in the throes of an existential crisis. One that not even the sight of this season's Dolce & Gabbana strappy sandals could lift me out of. From my experience, honey, if he seems too good to be true—he probably is. Easy? You men have no idea what we're dealing with down there. Teeth placement, and jaw stress, and suction, and gag reflex, and all the while bobbing up and down, moaning and trying to breathe through our noses. Easy? Honey, they don't call it a job for nothin'! There'll be no next time. This is going to be like Bridges of Madison Avenue, a very brief affair I'll write about in sappy letters to my grandchildren. When Charles Dickens wrote "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times," I believe he must have been having an affair with his married ex-boyfriend. Our affair, like our hotels, had gone from elegant with crystal to seedy with plastic cups. You've heard those stories about affairs where people realize how great their other relationship is and end it without anyone being the wiser. We're so over, we need a new word for over. If I could master a stick shift, could a successful relationship be that far behind? Hi. I'm not here but my shoes are, so leave them a message. If two people only have one thought between them, something is very wrong. I don't believe in e-mail. I'm an old-fashioned girl. I prefer calling and hanging up. I got to thinking about relationships and partial lobotomies: two seemingly different ideas that might just be perfect together—like chocolate and peanut butter. Yes, I'd like a cheeseburger, please, large fries and a cosmopolitan. Someone once said that two halves make a whole. And when two halves move in together, it makes a whole lot of stuff. I used to think those people who sat alone at Starbucks writing on their laptops were pretentious posers. Now I know: They are people who have recently moved in wtih someone. Gay boyfriends are the loophole of monogamy. Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate. Without them, what would shape our lives? Perhaps if we never veered off course, we wouldn't fall in love, or have babies, or be who we are. After all, seasons change. So do cities. People come into your life and people go. But it's comforting to know the ones you love are always in your heart. And if you're very lucky, a plane ride away. I can't even be around that man. He's dangerous and toxic. He's manthrax. Men who are good looking are never good in bed because they never had to be. People go to casinos for the same reason they go on blind dates: hoping to hit the jackpot. But mostly, you just wind up broke or alone in a bar. I like my money right where I can see it: hanging in my closet. Think about it. If you are single, after graduation there isn't one occasion where people celebrate you. ... Hallmark doesn't make a "congratulations, you didn't marry the wrong guy" card. And where's the flatware for going on vacation alone? I wanted a man who'd commit, not a man who was committed. Apparently we have to be more specific. Don't play "hard to get" with a man who's hard to get. At least it didn't happen in a room I actually use, like my closet. It would be childish of us to deny that our lives weren't changing. But for this night, none of us were going anywhere. That's the thing about really good friends and a really great Manhattan. Today I had a thought. What if I... what if I had never met you? I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love. And I don't think that love is in an expensive suite in a lovely hotel in Paris. Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.

I did not know her...but saved the obituary because the words were so touching:

Brinson, Gretchen (Memoriam)

FEB. 24, 1916 - FEB. 21, 2004
The String of Pearls

Pearls over a lifetime strung
Carefully pulled and knotted
Never ceasing once begun
All arranged in
patient procession

Through times of tears
Or with joyful heart
Diligently through the years
Carefully placed one by one

No pearl too large or small
To make the chain
Each in time she strung
them all
Never keeping one for her

The string is finished now
Knotting fingers are no more
Will we ever know how
Or what they are for

For Gretchen Brinson by Tom Brinson

We love you, we honor you,
we miss you.
The Brinson and
Hosley Families

Published in The News & Observer on 2/24/2008.

The object was to bring in an object from home that best describes you....It was a modern day version of show and tell....I brought in my Digital Camera and this is what I presented to class:

How my digital camera represents me:

Sometimes my life is in focus
sometimes it is blurry
Frame by frame moments are captured forever
and in a flash they can be gone
some images are worth storing...
and some are better off being deleted
from certain angles everything looks better
sometimes I am on the outside looking in
ability to view things from different angles
framing objects in view like a work of art
seeing the big picure with a wide angle
zooming in to capture the intricate details
lots of buttons, with lots of options
sometimes the end resulte can be black and white
sometimes it is colorful
even though I am behind the lens, I am not in complete control
loves natural light but can be flashy when needed
from time to time neeeds recharging
fragile and must be handled with care
yet strong and durable if dropped
likes to accessorize
capable of adjusting to elements and going various speeds
goes many places, travels and sees new things
the ability to tell a story and share experiences when developed


It was one of my favorite projects in College :)